Up, up and awayyyy

"So long and thanks for all the fish"

2012-01-17T13:07:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving this blog. Have left for a long time, but never found the right new home for my thoughts.

Now I'm living at http://foodfaxmachine.tumblr.com/. We'll see if we fit each other. Hope to see you there. Bye now.

Looking at a word too long makes it all weird right

2011-10-09T04:26:00.004+08:00

It's 7.27am over here. Woke up with a trembly feeling inside. I'd intuitively felt it for a while but now I reckon I know - that Tolga has started seeing someone else.

Ten million reasons why it shouldn't and doesn't matter - but it still hurts like crazy. I guess I'm finally in full-blown mourning. That he will never again call me at 6am, drunk and demanding to know why I am not there beside him. That he will never again email me his schedule for a full week, wanting me to join him for every single thing. That he will never again kiss me impulsively and tell me he loves me. Shrieking over the Colbert Report, knowing each other's thoughts and moods with just one look - it goes on. And now it's all over.

The funny thing is, I watched this TED talk by Brene Brown on vulnerability a week ago, and Jo messaged me yesterday telling me I should check this same talk out. It's about how we numb vulnerability because it scares us. But as with emotions, it's two-sided: Vulnerability can undo us, but it is also what makes us savour life. The key is to have the courage to emotionally throw yourself headlong into things over and over again, despite not knowing how it will end, whether you get the returns on your investment.

I think most of us know this. Restraint and boundary-drawing may keep you from scraping your knees, but it also prevents you from making other connections that could change your life.

So I'm giving in to grief over the death of our relationship. I know I will survive, but I don't need to look strong. Acknowledging this is probably the first (and only) step. I'm trusting that everything else will naturally follow.

Thank goodness I'm physically far away.

Finding my feet (when I'm not eating them)

2011-09-30T19:53:00.002+08:00

So it appears I have found myself a lover. A bloody good one, in fact. And as these things usually seem to go, I never meant for it to happen. He's not even based here, so I'm amazed we are actually keeping this up.

Eh, no it's not a relationship. I've freaked out on him a couple of times when I thought we were trespassing into Having Feelings. The mere hint of it scares me shitless. My mind refuses to go there, I insist we cut all ties immediately - frankly, this manifestation of scarring from the past heartbreak is ridiculous. He has officially labelled me a retard, though I assume he says it with utmost affection. But for now, I think I would punch any guy who pulls a romantic stunt on me.

I really wonder who I'll end up spending the rest of my life with. Will I find this person? Because the heart line on my palm is getting increasingly criss-crossy and feathery, surely a bad portent...

Walking the Silk Road

2011-08-09T12:43:00.004+08:00

Immensely relieved. I feel settled in, like the opening paragraph of a new chapter in my life, after endless revisions, finally reads smooth. I am officially cured of lovesickness and the draggy self-introspection that came with it. I guess distance really helps. Distance, and Italian men.

So remember the Grabby Daddy experience the week before? That was rather traumatising, so a bunch of us decide to head to this bar in the city, which my trainer at the gym claims is totally my scene, when I ask him where working adults go (He's twenty). "Lots of rich old men there," he declares, which makes me question how acquaintances perceive me. I go there anyway, for the old, I mean, adult crowd.

Right at the start of our night, I am automatically drawn to this pair of brothers, who exude warmth rather than sleaziness. Turns out they are Aussie Italians. We chat, then move off to mingle with others. We eventually head back to the brothers only to realise they have been joined by their cousins. So, more Italian men, and uniformly charming. Objective of going out and smiling at men: Achieved.

Also I was happily inebriated, so as usual I was chatty, but now have zero recollection of what I said. Something absolutely wild happens, but I'm not putting that here - anyway, I've already told a few of you. Let's just say it involves ticking a box that I never expected to tick in my life.

A good weekend out makes me happy as a cat. Nothing energises me more than stories and adventures, and I have a feeling Adventures Are Afoot.

Meat in Melbourne

2011-07-30T22:10:00.006+08:00

So I've been out two nights this week. On Wednesday I was at Biero, a nice beer bar that brings in beer from all over the world. I'll remember to ask them for Czech beer next time, Jo. And guess what, there was a table of three guys who did the eye-contact-and-smiling-thing, but I friggin' froze. Every time they looked over, I just could not make my eyeballs move in their direction. The most friendly gesture I managed to muster was to squeeze out a pinch of a smile. Once. Since when was I this awkward?

See? Not awkward at all usually. Especially when there is beer. Btw Tresa is awesome because she bought me the best steak I have ever eaten in my life. Yummeh!

Anyway, Friday night was better but also worse. Denise and I went party-looking along Fitzroy Street and met these two men. Unfortunately one of them was a Grabby Daddy whose hands kept swooping in on my ass. Urgh! I have never ever had the need to protect my ass as much as I did last night. Gawd. Can you imagine, it was like some cartoon sequence where I kept whisking my butt away from his paws. Pity though, because his friend was the complete opposite of him, being rather decent to talk to and non-grabby.

That's my first week of getting back in the game. More field reports to come.

Like a rollercoaster drop but without the adrenaline rush

2011-07-28T20:13:00.005+08:00

Money cannot prevent rain, but it can make you happy to face rain. If only there was something I could buy myself that would make me happy to face a heartbreak.

I don't really know where to start, but most of you already know the gist of it. I've written angry entries in my private journal that I wanted to post up, but I know I will regret the harsh words one day.

Just one pissed-off detail then: He gave me a ring two minutes before the break up speech. Obviously not a proposal ring, but anyway a kickass fashion bling ring. It was a birthday present, but more significantly, it was a consolation prize. In what way does a gift make it better?! It may assuage your guilt, but honestly, you are the only person in this who thinks it is a nice touch. Do you not know me, after all this time? You can't really think that would somehow comfort me.

After I came back to Melbourne, he asked for my forgiveness and friendship. I was tempted. Oh so tempted, to take the easy way out now and continue to be in touch, even be something more than friends. It would be such sweet relief to call him every few days and send funny texts. But I know how this story ends. It ends with me in incoherent agony, blind and lost in the infinite emotional maze of my own creation when he starts dating someone else.

It ends with me in self-destruction because I was a fool to hope that he would want me as a lover again. If I stay in his life he will see how good I am! Nonsense. Till I can face him without any secret agenda, however subconscious it is, I.Have.To.Stay.Away. And that's the friggin' toughest part, isn't it? I am distracting myself almost to distraction just to keep the tear flow to a minimum. In fact, I might become a Permanently Distracted Person (but at least I won't be a Weak Vulnerable TofuGirl).

And for now, I have a lot of going out and smiling at other men to do.

Play Bangkok

2011-07-24T17:58:00.002+08:00

After two nights out, it hits me that Bangkok is the only city I've experienced that brings to mind Terry Pratchett's Ankh-Morpork. First night was boisterous, with us pissing off a snooty local Eurasian who obviously wished he didn't have an Asian half, and picking up two sweet Thai girlfriends who were out for a bit of fun. For some reason perhaps even unfathomable to themselves, the girls decided we would be part of their party.

The second night was colourful, seedily so. Went for the infamous ping pong girlie show at Patpong, which was more of a thrilling rather than an erotic experience. One of the segments featured a girl shooting paper darts at a bunch of balloons. Unfortunately, the balloons were hung from the ceiling in front of us, so we were too busy dodging paper darts and fearing they would stab us in the eye to even consider the erotics of it.

Predictably, we were grossly overcharged for drinks we supposedly bought the girls while we were physically defending our eyeballs, trying not to get blinded. Dangerous fun that was.

What else.. Couple of Ankh-Morporkian snapshots: An old woman with a melted face begging by the roadside, a blind lady getting shepherded by security staff who help her navigate the train route, passing her from colleague to colleague without fuss, but with utmost care.

How do you not fall in love with a place like this.

More later. And yes my relationship is over. More on that later too.

Happy internet elves

2011-07-03T21:40:00.006+08:00

My mum's going to northern Europe for a holiday, and she has ambitious plans to use the computers in hotels to upload her pictures onto Facebook as she travels. She's definitely tech-savvy compared to my dad, whose idea of Net-surfing is to ask whoever's around him to "open the internet for me, I want to read The Star".

Even so, my mum needs a few test runs to commit the uploading-to-Facebook steps to memory.

- What if the photo folder doesn't pop up automatically, she worries.

- Then you have to look for it, Mum.

- What? How... Where...

- You know how to find it, Mum. Hotel computers probably use Windows, same as yours. So you can go to 'My Computer' and...? I prompt.

- But theirs might be a different version. I might not be able to find it (her voice tightens. She stresses easily)

- It will be okay Mum! Anyway you can always ask the hotel staff.

- But what if they don't speak English?!

- Then... Mum! You are going to Europe!

I start laughing and she suddenly sees the absurdity of the situation - a middle-aged Chinese woman enunciating English as slowly and clearly as she can to a bunch of north Europeans whom she thinks do not know English, and we guffaw till our bellies ache.

爸爸說做人要自愛

2011-06-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

Today I crawled my way back to the mat, and hopefully back to self-forgiveness.

My yoga mat has been languishing in a corner of my room for the better part of a year. Every time I curse my sore back, I think about yoga and immediately shift my thoughts to other things even before guilt decides to get dressed so it can come knocking on conscience.

The stress of the past few weeks have left me with an emotional stroke. I don't know about you guys, but for me, anger is not an outward emotion. It paralyses me as it courses through my insides, burning up my heart. It renders me weak and numb. I lift my hand but am unable to strike. I open my mouth to curse, but all I do is throw up.

Anyway. The long and short of it is that logically, I have decided to work through things and keep it going, but emotionally, I was at the brink of irreversible internal damage.

So I stepped onto the bright pink mat today, not hoping for anything except a much-needed stretch. And by my second short session, the just-before-bed relaxation sequence, solace put on sleep's pyjamas and came to assess the destruction. It was such a surprising visit, feeling the heart slowly filling with comfort, that I am delaying sleep by 15 minutes so I can blog this moment down.

Extremely grateful to the universe for letting me tap into its infinite energy. Sounds hokum but I haven't felt this good in a long while. Also I can't remember the last time I was sleepy before 1am. Over and out.

Taking caller ID for granted

2011-06-17T19:04:00.003+08:00

The thing about not having caller ID is, if you want to avoid picking up one person's call, you have to not pick up all calls. And hope your friends follow up with a text so you don't get labelled 'the disappearer'.

This trivial revelation is a result of my slightly drunk state. Also I am thinking: what does it mean when you would rather seek comfort in a hotel room than with loved ones when you are crazed with hurt? I have never been a martyr, never tried to milk my tears for sympathy, but at times it occurs to me that you need to show everyone your pain for it to be real. If you hide it and put on a strong front, your pain doesn't get cherished.

I am very good at disappearing.

I am smart and logical I am smart and logical I am

2011-04-29T12:24:00.003+08:00

OMG when will these essays ever end?! My brain hurts from all this logical thinking. Or is it growing? Oh damn to logic.

I'm in the neighbourhood library, alternating between: A) furiously typing away, and B) pretending to look out the large windows for inspiration, but secretly observing with inane jealousy those who are here whiling their time away reading the papers and magazines. I am dying to sprawl at one of those laptop-unfriendly lounge areas by the windows.

Okay whine over. Back to work.

p.s. I blame this last minute mad rush on Scott Reynolds over at McSweeney's. Check out his column on "Dream jobs that you're glad you didn't pursue". Snort-inducing hilarity.

gear-shifting

2011-04-11T14:00:00.005+08:00

Finally passed the halfway mark of my self-imposed cold turkey. Man, it's been TOUGH. Also tragically funny, but mostly just tough.

So for the first few days I would get this light-headed feeling in the afternoons that leave me slightly nauseated, which I hate, because it makes me worry I will faint and honestly, fainting is very mortifying (and inconvenient).

What else... oh, and I kinda lost my ability to spell on Day 4. I noticed when I was taking down lecture notes and I kept dropping the 'e's in words. So I spent half the lecture putting my 'e's back in whatever I'd written, and sometimes it would look wrong and then I would realise I'd put them in the wrong place and then I ended up having to cancel the word out and rewrite, which left me terrifically distracted, like abvbvubg!*#$@.

And the cravings, where do I even start! Okay to spare myself and whoever's reading, I won't bother going on about it. It's slightly better now, really it is. I am finally having moments where I feel it is good for my body, and hopefully my mind will eventually agree too.

I shall end this post with happy pictures of toast.

Do we write to remember or to forget?

2011-04-03T17:14:00.005+08:00

Hello guys! I'm back in the game of life. I think it's my natural naive optimism, or the massive amounts of reading and writing that keep me geekily fulfilled - whatever it is, I am thankful to be my blundering, random self again. And big love for your encouragement :)

Part of what worked was looking outwards. I got a volunteer gig at a reading club for African kids (and sometimes their mums who come along), it's a place where they come after school to get help with their homework, or to read and doodle. It's madly chaotic, and they all want different things right now. It's wonderful in a bittersweet way, at times tough and bleak, but then sometimes when you least expect it, the surly kid in the corner who had been quiet all afternoon pipes up and finishes the passage you are reading perfectly.

I find myself doing all sorts of things apart from reading with them, from teaching them how the times tables work to letting them draw on my hands. Since when were kids this intensely interested in the times tables? It got to the point where I was silently praying they didn't want to do more, because I wasn't sure I would know my 12 times tables. And I definitely don't know my 13.

On an unrelated note, I have decided to take care of my sugar mania by going cold turkey for 2 weeks. Tolga thinks it's more likely I'll fold within 2 hours, the way I need to eat all things sugar all the time. Bah.

So starting tomorrow, no more sweet treats nonsense. Goodbye muffins, chocolates, cheesecake, cookies... KAPOW sugar, you evil devil of scrummy yumminess!

One last Tim Tam for the road. Sob.

Functionally healthy.

2011-03-06T19:38:00.005+08:00

Hello folks. This is a depressing post. My apologies in advance.

I'm back in Melbourne for Semester 2. This time round, the coming back was way more casual, but the post-arrival blues have hit much harder. I don't know why. It's an annoyingly repetitive sinking feeling that doesn't seem to go away no matter how much I try to distract myself.

Immerse myself in readings? Never stopped. Borrow fiction from the n'hood library? Already wolfed down 2 books in a week. Retail therapy? Bought the most adorable white commuter bicycle. And what happens?

Thoughts of not seeing my love, friends, family, fears of not finding a thesis topic that can consume me, of not knowing just what the hell I'm gonna do with my life when I graduate (how can I STILL not know, after all these years?) make me sick. For the first time ever, I am sick of my unpredictable nature.

Rice paper rolls and me.

2011-01-07T23:40:00.005+08:00

My relationship with food is like Kung Fu Panda's relationship with peaches. You know, the scene where Turtle Grandmaster caught him stuffing his face with peaches in the middle of the night. That part resonated with my soul and I couldn't stop laughing, but I never thought to examine why.

Fast forward a couple of years and I was going through my then-craving for Vietnamese rice paper rolls. I would hunt them down for every meal. What initially seemed like eccentric-but-still-cute behaviour to Tolga quickly morphed into alarm.

As he watches me wolf down my 9th rice paper roll during lunch one day, he finally blurts out, "Do you realise you are a food addict? You need help."

"But Kung Fu Panda..." I deny incoherently.

"Honey, I initially thought you just had a very healthy appetite, which is great and I love that. But this, this is something else. It is not normal." He points at the 3 plates of spring rolls (this is before our main courses arrive) to emphasise his point and tries to force my crazy focused line of sight away from the food by talking incessantly.

Not knowing how to respond, I lick the ends of my chopsticks nervously, hoping to retain some memories of its taste, as it slowly dawns on me that I probably can't eat rice paper rolls in his presence for a while.

Reading is anti-social behaviour

2010-12-20T20:00:00.008+08:00

My blog is bored, so it has decided to take matters in its own hands and go in a different direction.

Reading brings out the anti-social side in me. I ignore ringing phones, eat cereal for breakfastlunchdinner, and pee only when strictly necessary. Even when I put the book down, a catatonic look settles on my face. It also reduces me to a monosyllabic amoeba, that is, when I can be induced to speak at all.

Tolga bears the brunt of it, because I try not to read anything that I know will be super exciting if I have plans to go out and socialise. So he comes home to this:

Days 2, 3, in fact 4, 5, 6 all the way to X are not much different. The sad thing is, this is me making an effort to put my book away when he's back, because I don't want to be an anti-social girlfriend.

In his initial confusion at my sudden degeneration in social skills, he tried to treat me gently.

Him: Honey, why don't you go for yoga class tomorrow? You love yoga.

Me: Mmm.

Him: Oh, what book are you holding? What's it about?

Me (with a huge effort): ...dragons.

After a few more valiant attempts, he invariably loses the plot.

Of course, I am never aware of any plot when I am in this state. I just want to be a dragon/live in Mordor/own a Firebolt according to whatever book dimension I am in.

Fortunately, I always snap out of it after X number of days, when the mad extrovert side of me realises it is losing its grip and launches a counter-attack at the crazy anti-social side.

Extrovert wins and all is well. Tolga is happy, my friends are happy, my parents are happy. Everybody I care about is happy. At least, until I pick up the next Super Exciting Book.

If you crash, no helmet in the world can save you

2010-10-19T14:12:00.003+08:00

"Sugar is Satan, Fibre is my friend" -Jason the Mason

Is it wise to break an addiction by substituting it with another?

I'm thinking of re-programming my brain, such that every time I crave something sugary (which is every single day), I'll have a cup of coffee instead. How does that sound?

It's too windy to cycle

2010-10-09T21:06:00.002+08:00

Ooh it's been a while eh. I've been... tired. Creaky bones sort of tired.

Grandma passed away a few weeks ago, so I was back in M'sia, and then S'pore for a bit. Didn't meet many people. Mostly holed myself up and thought about death. Right before going home I had attended a public lecture conducted by a Zen buddhist monk, who runs a Zen hospice here in Melbourne. There was a fair bit of discussion about de-mystifying death, even welcoming it instead, and thinking of it as the next big adventure.

These ideas calmed me a lot, and helped me feel happy for Grandma. She'd mentioned before how it's been 9 years, and Grandpa hadn't come for her -_- Also, it was interesting observing people's reactions when I tell them she lived to 92. Mostly they considered it a good, proper age to go.

Reminded me of this line in (probably) Sandman. What's the right age to go? Is it such a terrible waste if someone dies at 50? After all, you get the same. "You get a lifetime."

shivering in spring

2010-09-04T13:05:00.003+08:00

Yep. My brother took me skiing again.

I am actually less bruised this time round, believe it or not. Still, I have hope that one day I will master double diamond black slopes with ease! (Bro: Oh it hurts huh.. Well you just gotta push through it! Push beyond the pain!!) Hahah. Somehow I agree with him, the wheee!crash!wheee!crash! intervals still came out more exhilarating than nightmarish.

A few days ago I saw a guy combing over a tram with what I swear was a metal detector. I stared, fascinated and half-wondering if that's standard procedure, to check for I dunno, bombs? But then aren't trams made of metal? I was still stuck at that thought when said guy walked off, casually swinging what turned out to be an umbrella.

-_-

leaky tap

2010-08-17T12:24:00.006+08:00

After an eternity, I finally found a place I'm comfortable with, without busting my budget. Whew.

Some pix (hmm I realise the house actually looks pretty photogenic):

Courtyard with monster tree in the back. The huge clump extends a good forever into the sky. Gets a bit scary when there's a gale.

Pretty homely, no? Now I just need to decorate my room a bit, the walls are pretty dreary.

What else, what else.. oh I've been asking around for what the must-dos are in Melbourne. I've chatted to a few classmates who are local, and they seem to have pretty different views. Hmm. One actually wrote me a list, which I shall explore duly. Loving the coffee culture and cheap wine. Woot.

The year I drink soup.

2010-07-28T18:26:00.004+08:00

Chapter 1.

19 July. Chicken and corn soup at a cosy alfresco cafe in Melbourne Uni that I have since been unable to locate. The cashier says, "That will be $5.90, please" and I reel in shock. $6 for a bowl of soup?! And here I thought soup would be the cheapest thing! (it is.)

It is amazing how quickly I forget my wage-earning, spending-money-like-water years.

Then the soup arrives, and it is a warm, comforting monster of a bowl of soup. Woot. Value for money after all.

Chapter 2.

21 July. Potato & leek soup plus Turkish bread, all for $6, in a cafe along Flinders Street. The sign 'SOUP with Turkish Bread $6' on the shop's glass window puts a halt to my wintry stride, and for obvious reasons, makes me smile.

I need this.

I had just finished viewing the smallest studio apartment in the history of studio apartments. It was 15 square metres. That's like 5 by 3 metres. I finished viewing it in 1 second.

And no, the place isn't cheap.

Happy birthday to meeee

2010-07-23T07:28:00.006+08:00

As of this moment, it seems likely I will become a refugee, a drifting wannabe student who spends her time waiting tables and daydreams about saving the world.

Because. I. am. still. not. enrolled. into. the. system. I have been here a week and been bounced between nice, helpful people who all thought they knew exactly what was wrong with my application. Unfortunately, they were always wrong. So, on this last day of enrolment (school starts Monday!), I choose to remain optimistic. After all, deadlines and me have this, how shall I put it, intimate relationship.

Urgh. I knew the effortlessness of getting a local phone line was too good to last.

--

On a separate note, Denise brought me to a really awesome place for my birthday brunch/lunch.

It's a tram station that's been converted into a cafe. Yes the tram still stops there, so you just hop off and hop in. Pretty cool.

Hope that kinda conveys a sense of the interior, it's a comfy rustic atmosphere. Food is yummers too. Yayy to getting old.

Today I made omelette, possibly for the 1st time

2010-06-05T22:44:00.005+08:00

Guys, it's official. I'm moving to Melbourne for 2 years, come July.

Melbourne Uni has (un)wisely decided to offer me a spot to do Development Studies, so off I'm going. I have about 6 weeks left in Singapore, so apart from the admin legwork, I wanna say my goodbyes and eke more treats out of you compassionate people. C'mon, I'm gonna be a poor student...

I'll definitely miss you all. I realise I will not get to be here for a couple of weddings that I know I was gonna get happily emotional at, and I will possibly miss a pregnancy + childbirth that I was planning to be around for, to hold hands when she got alternately grouchy and glowy. Oh well. Such is life. I'll be sending warm, positive thoughts via telepathy, say every Sunday night @ 2359 hours, GMT +8. If you folks can't stay up till then, you will get to dream about eating cupcakes instead. I promise.

So long Singapore! You've been good to me these past 12 years.

Aside: My dreams, daydreams and reality are merging more often. Honestly, I often cannot recall if certain conversations took place for real, or in my head. Is that part of growing up?

Sunny moves

2010-05-14T23:59:00.003+08:00

Sunny Bookshop has shifted to Plaza Sing, in case anyone's interested. The Nanyang folks were happy to know, so this is useful information, no?

And I was trying to find out why the Chinese use starfish in medicine, when I stumbled into this abyss leading straight into animal hell. For a start:

lizards: prevents coughs & colds, helps with high blood pressure
seahorses: strengthens kidneys
bear gall bladder bile: panacea for liver ailments
tiger's nails: cures sinus, relieves high blood pressure, also nurtures penis
elephant skin: cures acne
cockroaches: cures strokes
silkworm feces: for typhus
monkey's heads: relieves headaches

Sounds more like the ingredient causes the ailments rather than relieves them. For one, the thought of eating monkey's heads is giving me a headache already.

Those simple days

2010-04-30T16:58:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I wish I were back on the streets of New York, plodding towards the Kate Spade store on Broome Street.

Or in San Francisco, walking through Chinatown in all its pungent glory.

Or in Frankfurt, where the biggest decision I had to make was how many six-packs of yogurt drink I could buy.

Life was so much easier back then.

Woohooo to unemployment!

2010-04-25T15:32:00.005+08:00

It's been two weeks, two glorious weeks of unemployment. Okay the first week wasn't exactly glorious because I was mugging like crazy for my GMAT. I felt more like a jailbird than a free one.

And yes, for those who are interested, I did reasonably well! The unofficial predictive score put me in the 88th percentile. And I'm ashamed to admit this, but I didn't know what 88th percentile meant. It went something like this:

Tolga: Wow, well done babe!! Congrats! I'm so proud of you!...(and on the positive statements went)

Me: Gee, thanks! I did quite well right?

T: What do you mean? Your score is in the 88th percentile!

Me: Is it like percentage? Actually, what is this percentile?

T (rolls his eyes incredulously): For Christ's sake... I think I should email the GMAT council about this.

Me: So I'm possibly the only person ever to take this test who doesn't understand her score?

---

Anyway. Now I'm doing up college applications, and with a bit of luck, I'll be a student again in a few months' time.

I've been thinking about hitting the road, my backpack has been infiltrating my dreams like pervasive product placement. But now it turns out there's an opportunity to do something potentially challenging in S'pore. Yah, like a 2-month job thing. So. I dunno.

What I do know as of this moment is how to make a simple and yummy snack - pretzel turtles. Got the recipe off allrecipes.com, and I must say, it's quite hard to screw up. Couldn't find the right chocolate for the middle portion, so I used Mars bars.

Popped them in the oven for 4 minutes, and squished the pecan nut into the semi-melted chocolate so it could all ooze out and fill the holes in the pretzel. Very satisfying.

Moving on, again

2010-04-08T12:39:00.007+08:00

I saw this quote in a bookstore and it made me laugh, so I just had to capture it (somewhat illegally, according to a nice salesgirl).

Anyway, it's my last day at work! Nearly 1.5 years down a different winding path, I evaluate my decision. Was it a waste? Most definitely not, as I got to collect so many new stories. The memories, I wouldn't trade for the world. The job, hmmm. I shall not say much here.

I have decided to bring forward my plans to go back to school, hereby joining the 'Lost Souls Club', according to my bro's best friend Will. We'll see.

In other random news, I have quit daily coffee. It wasn't helping my gastric much, and the doctor gave me an ultimatum- it was either alcohol, chilli or coffee. Tough choice I know!

And look what I found, clearing out my space at work:

It was a 2 minute effort, probably a year ago. Okay the handwriting is hard to read, but it's just me professing my ex-love. It's like finding an old love letter.

On to better things! I still want to save the world.

Blading this Sunday, anyone?

2010-02-18T22:55:00.006+08:00

I took a day off from routine last week, to paint. Hah! Yes, it's in my 2010 activity calendar. It's probably my first extra-curricular painting, and my alternative set of housemates made very kind comments such as "i like the colours" and "it's cute". So ummm, great! I take their comments as encouragement to terrorise the house with more cute and likeably-coloured paintings.

Oh! Happy Tiger Year, people! I went back for the usual festivities, with Tolga in tow. Gulp. It was kinda stressful, 'coz it was his first hello-uncle-hello-auntie session, plus it was also hello-grandma-hello-all my lovable relatives. I mean, if you are Chinese, you know your relatives' sole aim is to raise the marriage alarm bells and turn you into a baby factory. There's a reason why the Chinese is the largest population on Earth yo. So yes, the force of the collective brainwashing did knock me off balance for a few days. Brrrrr.

Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, as he would insist), parents seem to like this one. Okay lah, I like this one too.

There's just one thing. I've been thinking about my going-away plans this year, and the idea of falling off the radar, maybe even for a couple of years, adventuring like a pirate, is growing in my mind.

So naturally, I picked the best time to talk to him about it, i.e. two hours before he was due to leave for a business trip. That didn't go so well, for adult reasons including responsibility and commitment. Hmmm. Now, if only I'd inherited those Chinese brainwashing techniques...

edit: here's the prettily-coloured painting. (the most impressive part was obviously not done by me *oho* it's a graphic i cut out from New Paper, which actually got my mind a-rambling to come up with what you now see)

and she floated on a dandelion

2010-02-06T00:23:00.005+08:00

Today was a wonderfully amazing day. Okay yesterday was wonderful too, but today has the added 'amazing' tag.

Yesterday was wonderful because I saw many SALE signs at Raffles City's MPH, and half-ran, half-stumbled in. Seven books for $43 - my idea of heaven. Sale's on till Feb 25, so go!

And today is amazing because I experienced a long-lost emotional state: where the mind is present, and still. Still like the tiny pebble in a pool, with the waterfall thundering down just metres away. I heard the ambient noise surrounding me, but it did not affect me. Kinda spiritual, I know, but that's really how I felt. And this was after 2 consecutive sessions of yoga practice. I said my final 'namaste', and I realised the world was actually smiling benevolently at me. I couldn't help beaming back.

I told Fi and Theresa over dinner that this was a breakthrough week for me. I managed to do a couple of previously impossible poses, and felt my body getting stronger.

Oh. The last time I had this mind-stopping moment was in Paris, 3 years back. Distinctly remember the cold wind whipping through my hair as I sat atop one of those double-decker buses that bring tourists around.

Anyway. It used to be an uncontrollable state of mind, but now it seems less like a wisp.

Yoga is addictive. But you knew I was gonna say that already.

Hairdryers make annoying sounds, but actually bring joy

2010-01-22T13:56:00.001+08:00

Today I got completely soaked in the rain. I had no umbrella, so I readied myself with a little sigh, and stepped out of the house.

Got into the office, looked myself in the mirror, and laughed and cried simultaneously at my reflection. Ridiculously pathetic. But oho! I had a hairdryer in my bag, so all was fine soon after.

You may be wondering why I'm being such a sissy, to be thus affected.

I tell you, it was not just the rain. Rain is never the big bully, but always the formidable sidekick, there to give you the final jab to your guts.

It all started last night, when I met two girlies for dinner. One of them was in a mess - confused, scared and hurt. Her man had started lying to her, and was rapidly changing before her eyes.

I was sad for her, sad in the 'i feel the chills creeping in and engulfing my heart' way. Shockingly, some scars threatened to reopen. Nightmarish flashes of finding out about lies, about foolishly misplaced trust - not good.

Suddenly I was afraid. Not just for her, for me, but actually for all us women. Is it too cheesy, this universal worry?

But what's a girl to do?

maggi mee

2009-11-21T00:45:00.004+08:00

June

We meet. Our stars align, there is a cosmic explosion of some sort.

But we don't know it yet. All we know is, we need to get into the same bed as soon as possible.

July

Lust blinds us. I fly halfway across the world with you. Nobody else matters.

August

Emotions seep into the cracks of Lust. Damn these emotions.

I curse, but I am secretly glad you like me and not just my body. Are you for real, I question silently. What if you see me, for all that I am, and realise you made the wrong decision?

Damn these emotions.

September

Relationship strengthens. My trust in you is like a yo-yo, but on the whole, I am sane and anchored.

October

You become too important.

I find myself staring at you all the time, needing to know you are fine, that I am making you happy, that I am not a nuisance. I smother myself trying not to smother you.

Maybe we need space. But you tell me you are happy to see me, all the time. And, I am happy when you are happy. Plus, what if the world ends tomorrow, after I foolishly decide to stay home tonight?

---

wanna share a love story?

The unexplained.

2009-10-30T19:33:00.003+08:00

Back from Laos! (Mis)adventures from beginning to end, starting with Tolga getting deported back to SG 'coz he couldn't get a visa on arrival -_-

Tension all over sia.. between the two countries, between us, because I was the one who told him there was no need to apply for one beforehand.

Guess who's not trusting me to book anything/check any facts/go near anything that even smells of admin, ever again? He has gone so far as to memorise my passport and IC details.

Thank goodness enough time has passed by that it can now be classified a funny story, but the damage has definitely been done.

Consider this:
We were in KL, and had arranged to meet his mates at Bukit Bintang Plaza.(my idea 'coz he's unfamiliar with KL) We run late, as usual. He feels edgy as we keep walking, and asks where exactly is this Plaza. I say 'somewhere straight ahead' and do this doodly thing in the air with my finger. He. doesn't. smile. back.

Back to Laos, funny story number 2.

Vang Vieng. I see a river and a platform, complete with a Tarzan-inspired trapeze swing. Before I know it, my feet are up on the platform, my arms stretching out to catch the bar, and I jump outwards. (instead of leaning on the bar and slowly swinging out, which would have been the logical method)

Of course I fail to hold on and land in a shallow part of the river, on my heels.

Together with a few anonymous insect bites that are now oozing pus, I believe I own a complete set of lower body battle scars.

Why oh why. I am 27 years old! Surely that entitles me to some share of the universal logic pie?

Oh yah. Recent discovery of this wonderful thing called TED talks, courtesy of Adrian.

Each speaker gets a few minutes to talk about, well basically anything. These speakers are mostly bigwigs in their field, and it's fascinating stuff. Don't eat your marshmallow just yet!

there there.

2009-09-11T18:31:00.003+08:00

Mum was laughing at Dad, as usual, because he didn't know some Chinese proverb.

Dad: Hey, you should be glad I didn't study much okay! If I did, I wouldn't have ended up marrying you

...at which point I swear Mum's eyes lit up dangerously. Thankfully, before any daggers pierced through the domestic balloon, Dad plodded on

Dad: ...because I would probably be, like, Prime Minister today! (cheeky grin included)

insert relieved laughter.whew.

---

Parents decided to get a new house, and they're pretty excited about it. I don't really know how to feel. I shift around a fair bit, but the family house has been at the same spot since before I was born.

I commented to Kor that I'll miss the creaky third step on the stairs, the worn, sunny feel of the parquet floor that I take afternoon naps on, the living room couch that cures all variations of insomnia... on and on I went.

In reply to my effusive monologue, he merely shrugged and said, "It's just a house. What you should treasure are the people in it. And the people are all moving together, that's what matters." -_-

Argh. And THIS IS THE SAME MAN who bawled his eyes out for Carrie Bradshaw when Mr Big didn't turn up for his wedding in SATC: The movie!

Men. Mars. Confirmed.

losing chunks of memory

2009-09-07T19:22:00.003+08:00

I looked at my last entry and couldn't remember typing the words. Just like how I forgot my friend's husband's name, after we had all gone on a trip together. Gahhh. What is this? I always laugh when I get reminded of my goldfish memory, but to forget all senses that made up actual personal experiences?

Anyway. Besides that, I am. happy. Bloatedly so, as I told Stef (she is too. yayyy), and it is so comforting to crawl back to the sunny beach that I thought I had forsaken years ago. Plus this beach now comes with a bar that serves cocktails with little umbrellas. Sweet.

(Un)fortunately some things cannot be unlearned, which means I still have a nutcase side. Over-thinking the trivial, under-thinking the important.

What was the funniest thing that happened to you this week? And what is Laos' national food?

how to change my blog skin ah?

2009-07-12T05:35:00.005+08:00

When you know something is not gonna last, 'coz the truly amazing never do, when do you pull out? As it hits its peak? When it starts to crumble? Or do you hang around and mourn the broken pieces and feel them pierce your palms?

It's been such an intense two weeks with him, and I shudder to think how to commence Operation Shutdown after Death Valley. I feel like throwing up.

Do you also have a lousy reading affliction of finishing one book but buying three more? Suntec Harris had its closing down sale, 25% off, all must go. Information courtesy of Tianwei. Come to think of it, the couple together, makes the perfect friend. Oho. So weird. I think this means they um, are good together.

Thank goodness I stepped in only when half the shelves were already empty, so only managed to grab a few SF titles, and Tash Aw's new book. Well-trained by my brother, my hand reached out for Tash Aw involuntarily. I remember him telling me about Harmony Silk Factory when it first came out, insisting I had to get it as a matter of principle. No regrets, but this new book looks even more promising. Okay now I really want to go smell the pages.

Overheard

2009-06-21T14:52:00.003+08:00

Appended conversation with my rock, Chin-

C: So? How's things with that dude?

Me: Which... Oh, that one. Uh. Bad. I think. Bordering on mental obsession, 'coz he's so damn hard to get.

C: ...but?

Me: But...when I get through, sometimes, it's, exhilarating, you know. Like a rollercoaster ride. Insanely

C: Stop right there. You are such a man. Gawd. You only love chasing after the elusive, and do you realise, once you get through to him, like completely, you're just gonna lose all interest?

Me: I.uhh.only.want.men.who.don't.want.me.

C: There you have it. And you wonder why you are so messed up.

--
Fun fact #612:
Apparently our brain only takes in 10-20% of anything people say, so we make up the rest when we need to recount.

Everly Brothers

2009-06-02T18:41:00.006+08:00

This is about sleeping problems. I'm sure I'm not special, but mine goes something like this:

Everyday (or night), you black out for three hours, then wake up and stare at your too-bright ceiling, pick up a book and see words that you can't take in but can't put away either.

And then a mug of imaginary poison, masquerading as warm milk, appears in your hands. You gulp it down gratefully, toss and turn, and completely miss your way to Dream's. Instead you get stuck in a foul bog in his minions' lands. Your handphone alarm releases you two hours later, spitting you into a groggy reality called Morning. The scary thing is? You're not sure which was the better place.

But before this worries anyone, I do my crashing days too. People diss making up for sleep, but hey, it works for me.

For example, I just woke up from an on-off 14-hour marathon, and boy am I ready to take a shower. Woooo.

What happens during marathons? Well, if Dream is too busy, Lucien takes care of me. Brings me into the library so I get lost in one psychedelic dream after another. Complete stories of bittersweet loves, wild adventures, stuff like that. The last one before I woke:

Quarrelled with Wendy 'coz she wanted us to pay an extra 30 euros for some jacket for a trip. I say, "I am not making the same kind of money I used to", and the four of us fall silent. I regret my words immediately. They get out of Ba's car, but I remain in the passenger's seat and fall asleep. Woke up in time to see the car and my dad's car moving, both driver-less. Panicpanicpanic. But all's well that ends well, two very decent-looking chaps save my day.

Len calls just before I use up my library visiting hours, so I didn't get to see what the dogs at the roadside were dragging off in their mouths. There was a crowd of pigeons there though. Hmmm. I am very lucky, for it must have been something nasty.

--

Er. So yes. Everyone has some kind of problems, so just find a way to deal with yours, even though it is not the best way, according to Them, aka IDunnoWho. We do what we can to keep ourselves sane.

Oh yah! I ran off to Europe for three weeks. Was a hugeeee blast. Photos with Kor and Sheay, so it could take a while. Some of the things I did: Re-discovered Paris (those doing CDG flights please please go Saint Chapelle), fell into strange little Luxembourg, cycled around the vineyards of Beaune, had a brief meeting of souls in Spain, wow the list really does go on! But I bet it sounds boring 'coz you didn't see it with me, so this probably just sounds like a grocery shopping list.

Ah well. Till the next time. Free hugs!

Lost at sea again

2009-03-18T23:54:00.004+08:00

Gorged on Ewan McGregor & Charley Boorman's road trips over the weekend, both Long Way Round and Long Way Down. I think I OD-ed, what else would explain the nauseating giddiness that consumed me when I had to wake up for work this morning? Ended up not going, and spent an afternoon googling 'marine studies' and 'responsible travel'.

In other news, I went for my first matchmaking sesh, both sides parents included. ??!!! It was very civilised, very... controlled. Polite laughter, that sort of thing. One part of me wanted to say, okay let's get married. I'll give you a bunch of kids and you can bring them up while I run off and save whales. Because some people just need to see you get married. Unfortunately, these some people are the ones you happen to care about.

Other warped thoughts followed, such as questioning the point of marriage, whether it's a blood crime if you just.can't.commit, till I got tired and decided that was too much self-involvement for the day.

Really, what's so bad about drifting?

resolutions, of course.

2009-01-09T01:25:00.002+08:00

A lateeeee Happy New Year to all! At least I'm early for the Chinese one. Anyway. What has tickled you this year? The best one I've heard so far is this riotous German couple who wanted to elope to Africa. They are like, five years old. AND/BUT they had the sense to bring along a witness! (similarly aged I believe) How fabulous is that? Their photo was on BBC's website and all three of them share this innocently toothy grin that you can't help smiling at.

Unfortunately, they were detained at the airport. When asked their reason for eloping to Africa, their response was 'coz "Africa is warm".

What warms you?

baby wipes

2008-12-03T14:18:00.002+08:00

Saw in the papers that Bush's biggest regret in office was the intelligence failure in Iraq. He said, "I wish the intelligence had been different, I guess." ........different, I guess? I guess??????? My intestines almost spontaneously combusted, were it not for the satisfying spinach tortellini they were trying to hold in.

I have to continue ripping off the article: But Mr Bush refused to say whether he would have ordered the March 2003 invasion if he had known that late dictator Saddam Hussein did not have weapons of mass destruction, calling it "an interesting question".

Help. I'm waiting to see what kind of cause he takes up post-presidency. You know how Clinton, Blair are all involved in international affairs still, so dunno if it's an obligation, which would mean Bush would have to get in the game too. Woot.

Kenny affirms, "I am a Morality policeman."

2008-11-24T11:44:00.005+08:00

3 weeks into a new job, and I'm pleased to say I've learned things like not to start a sentence with a numeral unless it's 10 and above. So, here we go again.

Three weeks into a new job, all's good. I've rediscovered a subconscious habit of doodling, an increasing reliance on coffee, and that I no longer need sleeping aids (tv, books) to drift into Slumberland.

As with everywhere I go, people continue to ask, "Why are you here?" I think this means I'm a more contented person than I thought, when I sense the dissatisfaction among the 9-to-5. And it is humbling, in a good way, every time I am questioned, because I reaffirm that yes, I actually know what my interests are. I like how life is a work in progress. Sort of mucking around in a relevant puddle until something that makes sense pops up/drifts by. Maybe it's okay not to have a specific ambition as long as you keep to what you like.

Enough about myself. Some issues for you guys to consider, now that I am eh hem, more informed about current affairs:

1) Do you eat oddly-shaped fruit? e.g. tomatoes with horns (on Neil Gaiman's site some time ago)

2) Does it really make a difference whether people use tissue or bags or leave another person at a table to chope it?

3) Some poll revealed that most people think they are not rude, but others are rude. Right.

honking headaches.

2008-10-27T17:50:00.004+08:00

Gallivanting's been barrels of fun, especially the part about being able to meet all my friends pretty much anytime. The "But I'm unemployyyyeeed" plea has worked out miraculously well on many of you, so it is with some reluctance that I let the guilt and shame take effect on my conscience and start to earn my own keep.

One of the highlights was the five-day carnival, of course, otherwise known as Bean's wedding. No, it did not give me a honking headache, that's a completely different story. It did mean I had to quit flying though :)

How do you answer when someone asks whether your friends are beautiful? As in hot, gorgeous, 10/10? I think they are all damn hilariously cute, but it's impossible for me to assign a grade. But on the day I saw Bean Kok ~snigger~ getting out of the car in front of the church, and the night I walked Bean Kok down to the Four Seasons ballroom, I wanted to wave a big fat placard with the grade '1 FRIGGIN' MILLION/10!!' That didn't happen, with uh, obvious and regrettable reasons.

Watching one of your best mates get married is out of this world. You can't stop smiling, you can't help crying, and you just really want her to Have A Good One. We wanted that so much that we decided to do away with the customary speech (we love you, have lots of babies, hiak hiak) that we would've been GOOD at (I'm so not kidding) in favour of a... song. Yes. A song. You can all stop blinking now. Yes, it was atrociously bad, yes, everyone was completely out of tune, yes, we shocked ALL her other friends AND relatives. But... I think we also succeeded in giving her a Good One, as evidenced below.

Her wedding photog captured this which he says is in response to our song. Right. I can't think of a face-saving way to end this post, so I shall veer off course to shout out to Weiwei: Come back soon, you fellow crybaby!

Who is Meera?

2008-09-09T22:38:00.002+08:00

Received a slightly disturbing sms from an unknown number. It ran, "Dear friends, this is Meera, I've been hospitalised for an internal head injury in *** ward* bed* since Friday and I don't know how long more I'll be here." Yes, I did lose all the contacts in my phone book when I dropped the phone sometime back, but I've been racking my brains and I still don't recall knowing any Meera. Would you reply? But what am I supposed to reply? And does she mean what I think she means?

Anyway, I'm back from skiing in Queenstown and I've got about 7 bruises, 2 kickass blisters and a strained Achilles tendon -_- Although one of the bruises is about the size of Africa, I am officially a convert. You can't not convert when the wind whizzes so hard in your ears that you're convinced this is the closest you'll ever come to flying. Wheee!

Speaking of flying, I just tendered my resignation today! Told Bean that one of the reasons was because I would be missing her wedding, which made me extremely fed up because it's a flight that's difficult to swap. How's that for friendship? :P Oh well, aiyah, the main reason is I just don't care for it anymore, so there's no point in continuing. ~shrug~ Wanted to give you guys a heads up so I can justify living off your sympathy. Yay!

My bad.

2008-07-28T12:48:00.004+08:00

Was sternly informed by Jo that my habit of not replying to birthday sms-es is very rude! Oh man. But isn't it a bit like Happy New Yr sms-es? Oh wait, you mean everyone replies to those messages too? ~cringes under pillow to hide from the rest of the civilised world~

Er, in my defense, I have to say that I did feel the love! I'm sure you all felt my silent gratitude. Hurhur. Got the present I've been lusting after forever, so am totally on a squealy high. Yes. Still squealing. Over books. I am how nerdy.

Anyway, I think the best part about birthdays is how your friends think of you, or make time and demand to have a meal with you anytime you're free, even though they are frazzled from work. Big hug!

On an unrelated note, am I too old to be buying nonsensical (but FUNNY!) post-it pads? I didn't run to the cashier with it 'coz it hit me that I HAVE TURNED 26, but I still have one more day here in San Francisco. Hmm.

eggs and coffee.

2008-07-06T01:22:00.007+08:00

Finally caught Kungfu Panda a week ago and it was every bit as funny as I'd heard! Baba and I snorted away so loudly that Bean and Wen (and possibly Edmund too) pretended they didn't know us. I mean, the part where Panda questioned his dad about how he felt like he wasn't really his son?! And the part where Tortoise caught him stuffing his face with peaches? And, and, the ending?! Ohmygawd it was priceless. Sadly, Panda's expression when he was caught stuffing his face was so real it reminded me of the times I binge away on AllThingsSugary...oh, the pathetic guilt. There's a line in this month's issue of O that asks, "Isn't there some cosmic limit on how much body insecurity the universe can handle?" Well, there damn well should be.

Went for a self-defense class today and it was very enlightening. The whole kick-the-crotch routine if the strange man lunges for you? Rethink that. One new word to upgrade your repertoire: EYEBALL. Go for it.
After a day of pressure points and breaking people's grips, I realised it wasn't as difficult as I'd thought, but it wasn't as easy as I'd thought either. That's about as succinct as I can get. Fighting!

low carb low carb low carb

2008-06-18T01:13:00.003+08:00

This is Day 11 of my one-month minimum carb stint, and while there has been highs, such as a renewed savouring of food (you'd be surprised how fast your meal disappears if you take out the carbs), there are obvious lows too, like feeling hungry quicker and uhh, allowing yourself to stuff two ice-creams at one go, 'coz... 'coz ice-cream not really carbs what.

Anyway, this is actually a belated post about il Lido, the fancy Italian restaurant at Sentosa. A bunch of us girlies went there to celebrate Tresa's birthday. We'd been tired out by the hectic afternoon activities, which involved blowing up funkily-shaped balloons, 'hiding' presents and downing bottles of wine, so all we wanted was a lavish meal to end the day with. It started off on a good note, with the server being friendly and sort of making an effort (I say 'sort of' because his attempts were sporadic) to go out of the way to deviate from the menu "classic". I had the scallops and homemade spaghetti with lobster, both faultless. Scallops were exquisitely tender and the texture of the spaghetti totally made me rue my low carb month.

The trouble started with the second main, I suspect. A few of the girls sent their beef back because they were too tough, and while they came back less tough, they were also no longer medium rare. Hmm. After that, our server came along with a few of the other staff, bearing a birthday cake for Tresa! We were suitably impressed, as none of us had told them about her birthday. He had actually inferred the fact from our conversation! Wow. But. Yes, there is a but.

When the bill came, he'd actually charged us for the cake! Mmm. It wasn't only the fact that he'd charged us without telling us first, it was also the way he put it, saying how he'd gone out of his way to ONLY charge us for 3 servings of the cake, when he'd cut it to feed all 10 of us. Conspiratorial wink included. ??!!! It didn't occur to us to question him, we were too tired and it was such a big group, so we just paid and left. This is not the end.

I decided on a whim to head to Dempsey for coffee after the whole affair, and it was only while I was ahhh-ing over my coffee, that it hit me. Why am I unwinding over coffee here? What happened to my coffee, which was part of our set dinner, over at il Lido? I vaguely remembered the server saying something about how it was the end of his shift when he presented us with the bill, but HEY! It was far from closing time, so that definitely could not have been an excuse. I actually contemplated calling back, but stopped myself after imagining how absurd I'd sound :D Well, for the amount I paid, I know I won't be going back to this Italian who can forget to feed me coffee before sending me off.

---
Oei, Tresa, if you somehow see this, we all love you deep deep ok. Don't start feeling guilty ah! ~wags warning finger~

shoes!

2008-05-23T01:25:00.002+08:00

Yay! Been on a shoe hunt recently, and hey! I actually managed to find shoes that I wanted to buy. Wooo. My cousin Zeon says I only go for expensive shoes ~frown~ but I don't think so... I think it's because I adore sky-high ones, and those only come with a COMFORTABLE tag if they're from a reputable brand. That's how I feel la.

Argh. I dreamt that my pretty nails got chopped off! That's definitely a nightmare. Must be because Jo told me she lost a toenail while windsurfing/ gulping gallons of seawater. Hurhur.

On the bright side, I'm all set to attend all the weddings! Dresses, check. Shoes, check. Oh! Major girly victorious moment- I bought TWO BCBG dresses in Houston!! And when I came back to check what they cost here, I realised what I paid for both were still lesser than the price of one here! Oho. I walked out of the store in Wisma feeling most triumphant.

An afternoon at Starbucks playing Upwords, during which the words 'boet' and 'fixty' are invented.

2008-05-12T19:46:00.004+08:00

Been on leave for the longest time! Since May 1st, to be exact. Am already looking forward to going back to work, which is going to happen in 3 days' time. The copious amount of slacking brought me back to the time right after I contracted my cornea ulcer. Not the happiest of times, having to quit and generally feel useless. So perhaps you can imagine my anxiety level rising with each new day of... nothingness. I catch myself reliving my bouts of 'Gawd I'm useless!' before reality kicks in and reminds me that hey, I'm on leave lah. Chey. Relax!

Distractions are good. Finished all 3 seasons of The Office (thank you TW & Jo!), read 3 books and am currently reading book 4 and 5 simultaneously. Wooo. I am Queen of Efficiency at All Things Leisurely.

why do expensive dresses insist on making you look wonderful?

2008-04-19T21:12:00.006+08:00

Mum's been bugging me to print out a copy of my savings account balance, "just in case" someone hacks in and er, steals all my money. So today, I finally logged in and hey! was pleasantly surprised at the healthy amount that had been quietly accumulating. Felt quite proud of myself, but thankfully, not proud enough to immediately rush to AllDressedUp and burn S$799. The urge was insanely strong for about one minute, during which I forced myself to take many deep breaths and think of saggy boobs. And that very effectively diverted my thoughts. Next time you try. It really works!

No more part-timers.

2008-04-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

Knowing that I've been lied to, again, makes me feel... wait, let me try to vocalise my feelings.

There was the initial tightness around the chest, like my heart had skipped a beat. Then my pulse started racing as I looked for signs to defend him, anything to even just hint that I'd been mistaken. Then, the solitary fall. Again.

But at least, this time round, I didn't break anything. Time truly works miracles.

---

Went for dinner at my fav Korean haunt and the owner was telling us how she sold her property in Korea to pay for her husband's 7 operations over the past 12 years.

"I exchanged my 5-storey building for almost every organ in my husband's body."

ra ra Rasputin.

2008-04-09T06:35:00.006+08:00

Internet connection's finicky over here in San Francisco. Weird. Saw on CNN that there's a polygamist compound in Texas and that they were evacuating the women and children because one of the kids made a call to the police (or was it Child Protection Services) claiming she'd been sexually abused. A polygamist compound? In Texas? That is strange on so many levels that I didn't know what to make of it.

Oh! I love the never-ending runs of Friends (can't believe I know someone who's never heard of Ross and Rachel!), Seinfeld, Family Guy, ladidaa.

Mm. Sleepy. Wedding count this year's up to six now. Wow.

Watched 'Margot at the Wedding'. About fucked up adults. Made me wish I didn't understand any of it, but I did, which unsettles me. I think I shall go lie down now.

The 3 permanent men in my life- My father, my brother and my hairdresser.

2008-03-26T03:02:00.007+08:00

Saw the Bone compilation at Kino and pounced upon it. Yay! My hairdresser thought it was a dictionary. Hurhur. Have already packed it in my cargo, where it shall accompany me in Zurich, together with my sore throat and irritating dry cough.

One of my many random thoughts tonight:
Why I (sometimes) change men like I change clothes.

Wow that sounded like a GP essay question. I just need to add the word 'Discuss.' Okay let's see.

Men. You love them, you hate them, you are indifferent towards them. As for indifference, that's a whole other topic which we shall deal with another day. Today, we will be looking at why the initial attraction dissolves so rapidly into irritation.

There are many things women hold dear. Belittle these things, and whoosh! Off you go into the laundry, never to be found and worn again, just like the mysterious sock that gets left behind in Neglect-land. These can roughly be thrown into one category, that is, "things she has established a liking for (no matter how seemingly corny it is)". Hence, you are Not Allowed to badmouth them.

For example, I was going out with this guy who seemed pretty charming. Three conversations later, we were talking about nothing in particular when a Mayday song came up on the radio. He immediately commented, "Urgh. I don't like them at all. Their songs have such ridiculous lyrics." KAPOW! It was a three-strikes-you're out! offence.

Illustration number two. One time, I was in band camp... no wait, sorry. A flash of lame-ness possessed me for a sec back there. I meant, one time, I was dating this guy who saw me mucking around with Photoshop. I explained that we were sort of learning it in school. His response was, "What the hell? Man, your school is absurdly slack! Photoshop is what I play around with in my spare time! CS (my school) is damn ridiculous!" And he sniggered. Needless to say, I did not find it funny. It violated my all-important principle: only CS students are allowed to slag CS. Objectively, I think it was the snigger that did him in. Therefore, he is now an ex.

Of course, there are other examples, such as really enjoying chick flicks and giving my possessions names. I suppose everyone is different, yet similar. In conclusion, mmm, I can't be bothered with a conclusion. Oh! I've got it. Tread with caution! That'll do.

My, she looks like a broken mannequin.

2008-03-20T02:57:00.005+08:00

Have been wondering if and when I'd ever have the sense of deja vu again, the last one being years ago when I caught a glimpse of a face in a shopping centre and instantly felt like I knew her. KNEW her. The certainty was so strong it hit me like a punch to my stomach. I've missed that feeling, that unsettling feeling that makes me believe in parallel universes :D Really! So when I collected my room key in Auckland and got into the lift, realised there was no Level One, realised "oh! The room must be on the lobby level", the delicious sense of being caught off guard crept up my spine. I stepped out of the lift, took a right turn, and there it hit me full in the face. The sense of deja vu. I have been here before. I have dreamt about this place, I have stood on this very spot, ages ago, perhaps even centuries ago, in my dreams. I remember how it spooked me out then, in that other dimension. So I was a little spooked, but thankfully, the magnetism soon wore off.

Whew. Don't know if you folks feel it, but typing that was a bit mmm, heavy. On to something lighter. Cherilyn blogged that our job 'forced' us to be more instantly sociable, and I do agree. And people can ask appallingly direct questions sometimes. I get the "What does your boyfriend do?" question a lot. ??!!! Exactly. What boyfriend?! If I say, "I don't have a boyfriend", then I can predict the conversation for the next 5 minutes. They'll go, why not? Bad experience? I'll go, sort of/ not looking for one. Either way, there will be way too many 'whys' for my comfort. Makes me nauseous just thinking about it. So. 7 days ago, I decided to invent an imaginary boyfriend! Absurd, I know, but I thought it would be easier. Hence my new tactic: I go, er, he's an outsider. Engineer. ~cue silence, throw in a few blinks, then change of topic~ It worked! Because there's hardly anything to say about engineers. Hohoho.

my shortest post ever.

2008-03-13T23:40:00.002+08:00

For the record, I do not speak German. So please. stop. sending. me. to. Germany.

Oh dammit.

2008-03-10T00:03:00.002+08:00

Need to be up in 5 hours for London. Not good. At all. Days seem to be too packed recently. I still need to:

1) Confirm my PR application before it expires in 2 weeks,
2) See a bloody dentist before more of my fillings start melting away under my immense chocolate consumption,
3) Meet my brother to catch up on the love because I haven't seen him in a month, and because he sent an email titled "Where in the world are you?",
4) Meet various bunches of friends because it's always been way too long.

All of the above are coded red. Urgh. I actually emailed my brother to ask him if he wanted to crash dinner with my friends -_- Personally, I think item 2 stands a good chance of getting pushed back for another 3 months. Might as well wait for another filling to melt away first right.

Ok. Sleep. Now. Yay. Trina in London. Good.

"Removed from me in body, but never far from my heart." -one of the messages left at the altar in the church next to Ground Zero.

2008-02-25T22:59:00.006+08:00

Okay this shall be a chirpy entry.

Happy photo of Athens! Baklava-flavoured ice cream. How not to feel tickled? Baklava. Baklava baklava baklava. Ok I think I'm high on something. Oh wait I know what it is! I am high on a sense of accomplishment, i.e. finally uploading all my photos, deleting the blur but keeping the rubbish ones, and emailing them out to folks I owe them to. If you guys are feeling bored, can hop over to my facebook to entertain yourselves.

Let's see. One more happy photo. Here's a bright, sunny, majestic yet somehow funny one. Funny because I saw him going at it with his woman shortly afterwards, under another shady tree ~giggles~

Okay I'm tired. This is such a random post, because all I wanted to say was, I missed the snow in New York by one day. ONE day!! I give up. No snow for me this year. Other than that, I Central Park-ed again and managed to venture further, 'coz I had a good companion with me. Found a few swings even. Whee! But we wheeee-ed till our fingers and toes started hurting, really hurting. Ha! So we walked 24 streets back to the hotel. Have I said I love being able to walk endlessly? I love being able to walk endlessly.

drat.

2008-02-09T17:45:00.000+08:00

A quick thought: An old friend said that the sense of relief is like a suffocating man getting an oxygen tank at the last possible second. I understood immediately what he meant, because at that moment, it hit me that the uncomfortable breathlessness that has been with me for goodness knows how long was the breathlessness of the suffocating.

It's official: It's Mall-deevz, not Mall-dives.

2008-01-31T13:18:00.000+08:00

Thanks for the reminder. Urgh, my brother beat me to Maldives. Bah. Oh well, but nothing can dampen my spirits today, 'coz I'm off to Athens tonight!! Woohooo! It's been 2.5 yrs since the grad trip. Way too long, man. I looked up some information about Athens, and some memories started seeping back in, such as: The main square is called Syntagma Square! That sounds vaguely familiar right, Jo? Hurhur. And I remember them snapping tons of pix at some outdoor mini stadium at night, and taking the bus back to the hostel. And most of all, I remember how gloriously hot it was, climbing up the steps of the Acropolis. Fred got sunburnt! Haha! And getting the most amazing view of Athens that no camera could ever do justice to (though we tried), and figuring out that the word 'EXIT' we see at all train stations was 'EXODUS' in Greece. How appropriately dramatic! We might have been wrong, of course, since, you know, it's Greek. Ooh, and saying 'efharisto' but always, always getting the accent wrong. Okay, I'm using too many 'And's to start my sentences. I think that means I'm Excited. Excited! I won't be able to stop walking.

Oh, I actually logged in with a completely different point in my head, which is my ultimate realisation of 2008- All the walking in the world is not gonna make fats go away. I think running is required. Booo. There, I've said it. HEY! The previous paragraph ended with me yakking about walking too. Goes to show I'm not THAT off tangent after all.

When I get back, it'll be Chinese New Year! High after high. I'm so blessed.

Did I sleep through the new year? Yes I did.

2008-01-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

Was gonna blog about how amazing walking around in New York still is, even though I've been there before, about the extremely tall black poodle in Central Park, and many other wonderful sights. But one msn conversation with my primary school mate later, and all I want to do is rant about how men can be such. fucking. bastards.

1) Man cheats on you when you are supposed to be in love. At that age when love is still an all-powerful force that makes the world go round. So you turn into some cynic who goes around messing other people's lives up. Crap.

2) Man is already living with you. Man still cheats on you. With not one, but four extra-curricular relationships. Over the course of 2 years. So you turn into some cynic who just can't trust anymore. Crap.

3) Man cheats your money, as if you didn't have to work hard and tolerate occasional imbecility for it. He needs cash, we give. He needs love, we give. In the end, it explodes in your face. So you turn into some cynic who has to frigging pay the bank back, somehow. Or go backrupt. Or whatever. And you can't ask friends for money because the sum is too damn large. What? Oh, right. Crap.

Note how we can only turn into cynics, in all the above scenarios. Because we cannot turn into anything else, we cannot turn into bloody neurotics, we cannot become depressed and we cannot, cannot kill ourselves. We are, regretfully, too strong for that. So life goes on. And we continue making the same New Year resolution, to ~all together now~ be happy. Happy New Year, folks.

in the spirit of psychoanalysis.

2007-12-21T17:11:00.000+08:00

Made myself pancakes, fell ill (no, I didn't poison myself with my pancakes la!), cut a part of myself away. That's roughly what's been happening over the past few days.

I need an exercise partner! Fiona, let's go jogging! -_- Your 10km run sounds mighty inspiring.

---

What would you do if a total stranger started hysterically shouting that you were "INHUMAN! CRAZY! CRUEL!" and a million other things just because you wouldn't let her have a privilege that she didn't pay for anyway? Possible reactions include:

A) screaming back that if she wants to have that privilege, she better bloody well pay for it,

B) calming her down and letting her have it, but know that it's morally wrong to give in because that will just confirm her view that shouting lets you get your way in life and she will teach her kids the wrong things,

or

C) telling her to be quiet and letting her use it, and curse and swear after that, thereby confirming your own view that people of a certain race are all the bloody same. Bah. And no, you don't care about how she's going to bring her kids up. Because THEY ARE ALL THE BLOODY SAME. That's right.

If your answer is A, you are a rebellious teenager and not suitable for the service industry. If your response is B, you are a preachy teacher. Teachers have it hard these days too, I hear. If you circled C, oh I really don't know. I made up all the analyses anyway. I guess C means you are like me. Like everyone else resigned to stereotyping. I mean, they think we are inhuman! and crazy! This is so damn ridiculous! for goodness' sake. Is it really that politically incorrect to resort to stereotyping in defense? Ya, of course everyone is different once you get to know them, blah blah blah. Fascinating, really, but I'm afraid I'm running late for a dinner appointment.

There were 4 ENFPs in my class.

2007-12-18T19:25:00.000+08:00

Did a comprehensive Myer-Briggs test when we were back in Nanyang. Just now, I saw a link to a shorter online version on Tianwei's blog, so I was intrigued. What do you know, after nearly ten years, I still have the same personality. Slightly spooky.

***You Are An ENFP***

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're quite the storyteller!

In love, you are quite the charmer. And you are definitely willing to risk your heart.
You often don't follow through with your flirting or professed feelings. And you do break a lot of hearts.

At work, you are driven but not a workaholic. You just always seem to enjoy what you do.
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How you see yourself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get you, they see you as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused

What's Your Personality Type?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourpersonalitytypequiz/

I am a slug.

2007-12-12T00:13:00.000+08:00

Just got my nails painted for work tomorrow, and they look wrong. Feel wrong. No more strong long nails that go clackety-clack when I tap them against the table top. Instead I've got to worry abt how oh-so vulnerable they are from now on. Though on the upside, I can pick up my coins when they drop on the floor again. Haha. So overall, yay. I guess.

Oh! Forgot the huge horrifying news. I'm now officially the heaviest I've ever been in my life! ~gasp-horror-shock-shock~ And no, I'm not telling how heavy. It's disgraceful. But I AM going on a total exercise and maybe diet routine. Push! Pump! Swim! Fight! To make it more realistic, it's officially a competition. My worthy opponent is my very heavy brother, who is also much ashamed by his blubber. The winner is the one who loses more, percentage-wise. I so need to win, because the loser has to scrub the winner's feet (sounds familiar, Jo? Ha!) AND buy a meal at wherever the winner likes. I am NOT scrubbing my brother's feet. Men feet are how gross.

I'm sorry I can't grow old with you.

2007-12-10T00:43:00.000+08:00

Been missing out on a few of my mates' birthdays. Huiyan! I'm sorry! You know I still love you! Anyway I heard Fiona saying you had no intention of celebrating it with us in the first place -_- That took most of my guilt away already. And Fiona! Woman, have you migrated to Siberia or something? How come everytime you sms, I sms back, and then THAT'S IT? Did I miss some secret code? I will hunt you down when I am back in Singapore. Hohoho.

---
The year's coming to an end. Time to pack up and move on with life. I hope you find warmer days ahead. Brrr.

Some Gilmore love.

2007-12-09T02:24:00.000+08:00

Which Gilmore Girls Character Are You?
	You are Lane. You are an eccentric. You have odd, quirky tastes and an intriguing personality. At the same time, you are reserved and in many ways you are still finding out who you are.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Tianwei is Lorelai. Cool.

Oh yar I wanted to add something. Would you guys pay upwards of S$100-200 per pax for a good meal? 'Coz I went to Iggy's at Regent Hotel and it was pretty amazing, particularly because I didn't have any expectations, it was just Eugene's birthday thing. And Akemi-san had encouraged our class to go for it, to really understand the fine dining experience, which would hopefully help us in our Business Class service. I think I was mostly surprised that hey! It WAS pretty similar. So something to work towards, definitely. But expensive sia. So question 2 is, if you do go, would you go already knowing what their specialties were, and you know, expect the super very best?

Blame it on the cool weather. I didn't sweat at all!

2007-12-09T01:54:00.000+08:00

Forgot to take a shower today -_-

But I didn't forget to stock up on entertainment for my impending visit to Abu Dhabi. Bought:

-Brothers & Sisters, season 1
-Nanny Diaries
-Chuck & Larry
-Monster (the Charlize Theron one. Yup, I've never seen it.)

Plus I'm throwing in a couple of books (hope I don't end up bringing like half a dozen) and my PSP. Better have too much than run out of distractions, right?

Tough questions from a 12-year-old.

2007-12-08T00:57:00.000+08:00

Went for a food-tasting sesh at my dad's friend's soon-to-be-open mussels restaurant (mussels in pots which reminded me of Paris, yum) and ended up getting quizzed by his 12-year-old daughter, who has just finished her P6 in JB and is thinking about going on to study in Singapore.

An excerpt of the quizzing.

Q: I heard the Singaporean kids hate us.

A: Wha...??

Q: It's true, isn't it? My friend told me they always say bad things about us.

A: Hmm. ~long pause~ Ok, to look at it in a different way, you know how we always make jokes about how Singaporeans like to come in to JB to buy their groceries 'coz it's so much cheaper? (she nods, giggling) Well, see? We laugh at them too. That's the way the world works. We all laugh at one another, just about different things, that's all.

Q: Isn't it very hard being in a good school? I could apply for a so-so school and maybe, like, be a top student?

A: Honestly, I don't remember exactly how hard it was. Those aren't the kind of things you remember 10 years down the road. But I've got to say, if you have the chance to go to an excellent school, take it. Why choose a mediocre path and risk losing your edge when you can surround yourself with people who will push you to improve? I can tell you, at the end of the day, there were hardly any kids who were from 'unknown' schools in my junior college.

Q: Or maybe I should just stay in JB. But I want to tell my friends that I am going to Singapore to study.

A: Well, if it were up to me, I would rather go to an excellent school in JB than an average one in Singapore. If you wanna 'brag', you wanna be sure you can go all the way, get what I mean? (at this point, even I didn't really get what I meant, but apparently she did, 'coz she nodded very vigorously.)

So? Preachy huh. I felt preachy. But I wasn't sure how much she would understand, because we were tackling so many different issues. Such as travelling to and fro vs. staying in hostels. Such as CCAs and commitment. Such as her worry that she can't handle everything being in English, except well, Chinese lessons. I wanted to tell her so much more. I even wanted to tell her how this would definitely throw her out of her comfort zone, and make her feel like an alien sometimes. But that it would turn out alright, because of those amazing memories and crazy best friends who pig out with you on Nutellaice-creambeersparklingwineotah-otah even after a super-full ramen dinner, and this is about ten years after Secondary 4 officially ended. But I chose to let her do the talking, and only answered. Answered as honestly as I could. Because life works out differently for everyone, and I wanted her to write her own story. Maybe she wouldn't have thought it important information anyway, all this displacement-but-friends-make-it-ok nonsense. But just maybe, she would have taken it all too much to heart and worried over the information overload. I didn't want to do that to her. So I hope she thinks it through and is eventually happy with whatever choice she makes.

---
Ok, last and least, welcome back, Lawrence! Thanks for dropping by with dessert.

You're an adult when you... hmm, I haven't figured this one out yet.

2007-12-07T01:49:00.000+08:00

I thought I'd start off with a good ol' candid shot Mel caught of me pretending to be the Statue of Liberty. I'm back from the 'Can't-be-bothered-with-Blogger'-Land! ~holds up Liberty torch~ That's my darling batchgirl AJ, with a hint of her LV Speedy, which she is interested in selling, by the way. ("Brand new hor," she said.) Any takers? I'll pass you her number.

SO.

I spent a happy 8 days with AJ doing Hongkong-San Francisco, and I must say it really makes hell of a lot of difference when you've got a buddy with you. Ooh, the bitching, the hard work, the trepidation of working Business Class and the eventual screwing up. Well, at least we screwed up together. Takes away 99% of the scariness. And now the woman has gone to get married. All the best babe! A couple more pics then. Notice any marital glow on her face?

Us at Cheesecake Factory for Sunday brunch. Yep, puffy eyes and messy hair, but VERY contented with the food. We'd originally wanted to go the evening before, but the wait was a crazy 3 hours. No, they don't take reservations. Bah. But brunch is good too. Really hope I can do this with my close buds again before I quit.

---

Dragged Cherilyn to Zouk with me after dinner-ing with her last night, 'coz I just couldn't get enough of her! Eeeee. Haha. Anyway, it's funny her parents sort of gave the place a quick clean-up before we reached. Woman, your place very messy meh? And we HAD to giggle excitedly as we were leaving, prompting her dad to question/ caution her about driving down to Zouk. So I heroically stepped in and said, nope no driving, of course I'm NOT gonna let her drive. After which instead of getting a nod of approval, I actually sensed awkwardness in the air, because effectively, I might as well have shouted, "Your daughter's not driving because I'm gonna get her drunk, Uncle! Drunk! Woohoo!" So we scooted out of sight before Uncle could voice any objection.

Zouk was Jo's idea, by the way. To celebrate Janet's birthday :P I think we all need to grow up. I'm proud to announce that none of us got drunk though. It was a bit too crowded, the whiskey dry was disgusting (we had to force ourselves to drink it by playing Scissors Paper Stone, and even then we had to leave a whole jug behind), but hey, GIRLS' NIGHT OUT!! Mega fun. The sore throats from hollering along to the songs are the evidence. In fact, just the Scissors Paper Stone Showdown was good fun already. Hur.

dessert challenge!

2007-10-30T03:34:00.000+08:00

Since Tianwei a.k.a Golliwog ~snigger~ left for Lady Fingers Land, Jo's my responsibility now. Yar right. There's not much motive to explain why we did what we did actually, so er let's just move on to the pictures.

This is evidence of Jo handling cooking equipment! I think it's an amazing feat, really. That's chocolate and marshmallows, by the way.

That's me with my mush: peanut butter ice-cream pie. Got it from the domestic goddess' website. But back to Jo.

Jo learns to fold.

Scooping her No Worries chocolate mousse into little glass containers that she says are called ramikins. Tadaa!

Okay, for those of you who don't know her, you may be perplexed as to why I'm dedicating an entire post to her.

This is because, ladies and gentlemen, Jo is the only person I know who, get this, burns soup. Yes. She is a Soup Burner. Evidence: Her boyfriend, Tianwei (yes, the aforementioned golliwog), introduces her to people by saying, "This is my girlfriend, Jo. She burns soup." Case closed.

So in conclusion, chocolate mousse is pretty spectacular eh. Well done la babe!

Bah.

2007-10-19T15:05:00.000+08:00

All this interrupted sleep is making me dysfunctional, yet I prefer it this way. If I have to wake up for work in 5 hours, I tell myself, "Ok I'll sleep for 3 hours, and wake up every half hour after that, just so there's no chance I'll oversleep." And you know how the mind can be that powerful when you force it to be, so usually I roll out of bed all jittery, but ultimately ready for a 5a.m. day, or 11p.m. night.

As it's nearing the end of the year, it's plan-making time! So I've decided (some of you might have heard it MANY times) that I'm gonna leave after my bond ends next year. Yep. The world is too large for me to remain in one place, or rather one job. There's so much more that I need to explore, I am totally feeling the urge to move on. Had a long chat with my cousin Veron when I did dinner with her in Beijing and gleaned lots of useful, adult advice from the experienced one. One thing good about turning 25 is I can take adult advice now without feeling my usual angsty Whatever. Ha. The rebellious teen is dying!

a man is not a plan.

2007-10-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

I got that from Elle's September issue, by the way. Sounds catchy and hey, it's true. My mum was lucky enough to invest in a good man, but who knows what lies in store for me. OH! Talking about men. A few of my close buds have invested in good men! Haha. My best wishes go out to Cherilyn, Wen and Bean! Woohoo. Was so damn excited when Bean told me the news. Can't wait to throw flower petals and pull party poppers at their weddings. Hurhur.

I'm nicely settled in Bukit Panjang now, and it does feel much cosier than my previous place. For starters, there's a sofa in the living room, and French windows looking out to the pool. That pretty much does it for me already. There's something about slouching on couches that really appeal to me- be it reading, TV-ing or napping, I lurve well, living in living rooms.

Been staring at the pool for a month. Think it's time to actually dip in it, since I've already bought goggles. Tomorrow, then.

mongolian.

2007-09-04T03:53:00.000+08:00

The big move is tomorrow morning! Six hours left in this place, everything's more or less good to go. Packed up the last of my clothes and dumped the rubbish accumulated in the fridge. Feels quite empty. I'm ready to move, with my memories of this place tucked into a corner of my mind. All the people I treasure who've come over to chill, and the dumbass stuff we've accomplished. It's been a good year after all.

Met some of my batchmates for lunch today, and I feel amazingly lucky to be able to make such good friends in so short a period of time. Moreover, many people say you hardly make any real friends once you start work. Well, our job was a bit like school at the start huh. Anyway, we yakked away for hours and refused to leave the crowded Coffee Club outside Kino. And guess what, the table next to ours was another batch having their meet-up! Haha. Too bad you missed it, Cherilyn. I told them about your suggestion we head down to STC, but er. Yup. :D

I consume chocolate everyday. Is that normal?

2007-08-27T01:46:00.000+08:00

Shifting in a couple weeks' time, so been packing and well, discarding, mostly. I think my life can be packed into 4 boxes. And 2 big bags of shoes. Ha. Feels weird to be moving to Bukit Panjang where everyone's been assuring me is definitely ulu, but I look forward to the experience of taking the LRT for the first time, ordering a caramel macchiato at Bukit Panjang Plaza Starbucks for the first time, and sitting down to breakfast at 4pm at the hawker centre near my new place for the first time. Shall find out if the kopi peng is as powerful as the one opposite my current place.

Oh yar I have joined Facebook! Haven't fiddled with it yet though. Haven't even been diligent enough to upload pix onto this site, so er.. right. Gotta get down to it.

My leave's coming up soon and I don't have concrete plans. Someone give me a plan. Oh! Maybe I can spend it uploading photos.

'tis true, there's no such thing as an ugly woman.

2007-08-25T18:51:00.000+08:00

Have been bemoaning the state of my feet, they're so dry and cracked it's become a red alert situation. Sigh. It really does take time and effort to groom, and there's so much stuff to keep in mind- if it's not dry hair, it's dry hands. And feet. Or chipped nails. Occasional pimples. Eyebags. Chapped lips. The list goes on forever. Argh.

So I thought I'd go for a pedicure, but a foray into the Watson's at Bugis made me decide that hey! I can do it myself. Tools were bought:-

1) Pumice stone and nail brush
2) Pedicure file
3) Sally Hansen Spa Lavender foot soak.
4) Sally Hansen Spa foot mask

Soaked and scrubbed and massaged away, and I applied some Scholl's cracked heel cream. Hopefully that will help to restore my poor feet back to health. Sebas told me a woman's feet are a dead age giveaway. Reckon I'm looking about 60 right now. Sob.

On becoming an official grouch.

2007-08-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

It's got to be the job. Nowadays I find myself having to mentally force on a pair of handcuffs whenever people are rude to me, because I have developed this insane urge to slap them. And slap them hard. All the time shouting over and over, "Don't you fucking be rude to me!"

Take just a moment ago, for instance. My landlord had called ahead to say her brother would be bringing people to view the house, so of course I'd said, yar whatever, then promptly dropped off to sleep. Yes I sleep in the day too, but let's not go into that right now. Around 6pm, I was awoken by a series of knocking at, it seemed, my door. But maybe it's the neighbour's door, I thought optimistically. Before I could drift back into my warm safe world though, the knocking started again. Finally my mind registered something about a house-viewing. But wouldn't the brother have keys to his own house? Well okay, let's go see what it's all about. So I opened my door, peered out groggily, only to see a very heavily-perfumed, very annoyed young woman glaring at me, with two obvious potential house viewers behind her. At this point, I must admit my brain was only about to boot up, so all I could mutter was, "Where's the brother?" On hindsight this must have seemed incomprehensible to the house viewers, but it was enough to get the woman started.

"I AM THE AGENT! SO OF COURSE I AM THE ONE SHOWING THEM THE HOUSE! DIDN'T THE OWNER TELL YOU WE WERE COMING?", an obvious dig at my inefficiency at answering the door. Well, lady, if I'd known you, the mighty agent, were the one coming instead of the brother, OF COURSE I'd have had the red carpet all dusted and rolled out, with a butler specially hired to hold the door open, and some canapes laid out on my mother's fine china. After all, anything for you, darling. You are the mighty one.

Instead, I repeated some rubbish like "I thought the brother was coming, he would have the keys" (yep, how eloquent of me), which only made her explode delightedly with sarcasm about how she was the agent and of couse they can't just barge in when I am in, it's not polite, blah blah... Thankfully I was able to wrench the lock open and flee back into my room. Then, she knocked. To let them view my room. I closed the door after that. Then, she knocked again. To get me to lock the door. By this time, I was sufficiently alert to realise that hey, it's not a matter of bloody courtesy, you don't have the keys at all, you over-perfumed liar. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I was unable to slap her, due to the fact that my landlord was on the line, belatedly asking me to open the door for the agent, sorry, it was a communication breakdown, etc. As she was leaving, she managed a "thanks" in the way that even cockroaches can tell is fake. I'd rather she stormed off, because the pretended change in attitude was just nauseating. BLEURGH, as Calvin would say.

Wow, that was a frigging long entry. And I'm not even at the part where I philosophise and all. Oh well, screw it. I'm tired. Er, you guys know what I'm going to say right? About how I don't have the energy to deal with rudeness unless I'm being paid for it, and how people shouldn't be rude to strangers, unless the strangers are rude first, of course. And how it's not worth it trying to explain to them (e.g. I was asleep so I didn't hear the knocking) 'coz they're not interested in hearing. That's it. So all I did was slam the door real hard and feel a childish glee, which completed her impression of me as a grouchy silent moron, with her inner voice going, "this kind of girl also can work for ___ meh?" Hurhur. What to do, I believe in consistency. And if I've said it twice, I'll say it a third time. DO NOT DRENCH YOURSELF IN PERFUME THAT DOESN'T EVEN SMELL GREAT. It is not sexy.

The blogger website on this computer in LA is a full Mandarin site!

2007-07-25T05:28:00.000+08:00

Hello folks!

Thank you for all the well (and not so well) wishes, I am 25 at last. I suppose there's some crisis that's supposed to hit me- right, the quarter-life crisis, but I examined my head in a critical manner and have decided that all's well. Yep, hooray.

Anyway, spent my birthday devouring the Harry Potter finale and managed to finish it right at the moment I needed to check out of the room. This year is cool, 'coz I got to spend it both in Taipei and LA. On impulse, I went to Disneyland the next day. Things are definitely less magical and thrilling (somehow I always remembered the Matterhorn was home to a superbly exciting ride-it turned out not to be so), plus it was hot and too crowded, but I couldn't help smiling ever so often at the happy faces and how much effort has been put into maintaining the place. The candy coloured cottages! The bright cheerful flowers! And the fireworks display that went on for a good twenty minutes which unfortunately, I only caught five minutes of, because I was deeply immersed in my dinner at Denny's and forgot to rush out for it. Hurhur. But I did see the fireworks that burst into a dazzling smiley face, and that made me laugh and feel glad to be alive.

Going to meet Weiwei in Taipei, I think I get to see her more than I see Baba-Bean-Wen! And I shall stock up on delicious snacks and make-up. Yay. Okay time for a nap, or I'll be utterly zombie-fied later.

Countdown!

2007-07-18T03:57:00.000+08:00

Three more days! Three more days to the Harry Potter conclusion. I believe I'm more excited about that than the fact that I'm gonna turn 25 real soon. Yan says that's my birthday present, so I hope I get the chance to gobble it down the moment it comes out, because as luck would have it, I'm on 48 hours of standby then. So I could be anywhere. I'm just hoping for a bed, oodles of time and The Book. Cross your fingers for me!

Oh yar, haven't ranted about evil landlords here yet. Read: Landlords are EVIL. They pretend to prefer renting 'on trust', sometimes after the contract runs out, so beware. Realised lots of my friends are on verbal agreement with their landlords after their contract has ended, 'coz it's just less hassle. And what happens? Now the market's doing well, they're raising the rent like mad, so if you don't like it, you can scram. Wham bam thank you ma'am. Okay wrong context but hey that rhymed. So I will be homeless shortly. If anyone knows of a studio apartment going for 1k anywhere in the east, do holler. Sickening shit to be dealing with, but there you go. Everything happens for a reason, so maybe this is a push to properly get my accomm sorted out instead of the haphazard situation I am in. Maybe I really will find a place that I can take root in and you know, buy proper utensils for. I can't be bouncing around so much anymore. Being a nomad has just lost its flavour for me. Wow I can't believe I just typed that. This accomm business must really be getting to me. So anyway ladies and gentlemen, together now.. Remember your contracts.

little things that make me happy.

2007-07-05T21:39:00.000+08:00

Unnecessary things I can't leave home without:

1) Origins Leg Lift ointment- perfect for rejuvenating tired calves. Fiona swears by it too, when I brought it along on our Hongkong shopping spree.

2) Eeyore bedroom slippers, to protect me from dubious hotel carpets, and because they make me feel silly.

3) Books. This trip I brought Choke by Chuck Palahniuk (the author of Fight Club).

4) PSP. Crashing cars and rolling balls. Yay!

5) Diary. Sometimes it's just too gloomy.

Ok someone's waiting for the comp, so shall continue this another time. Heard there's a sale going on in New York woohoo!

Sunday is junk-free day.

2007-06-24T05:28:00.000+08:00

When I wake up it shall be a snack-free day. Because I am up to here ~points at throat~ in evil, sinful, cancer-causing fat food. All manners of junk. Lurve it.

Anyway, I just watched the Korean movie '200 pound beauty' and predictably, teared bucketloads towards the end. And I liked that it didn't have a Hollywood ending. I'm a ninny when it comes to touching movies or books- it's strange because I only respond to sadness. If you're angry or mean to me I feel nothing. Zilch. It's better that way for work though :) Oh the point of this is to bring up the fact that I realise I haven't cried in months. This is a very good thing. But watching the movie and releasing all that salt made me feel, I don't know, vulnerable but not in a bad way. After that I loaded up on more Korean stuff, re-watching a couple of episodes of Full House. Stopped soon after because all the letting go was getting a bit much, and I definitely didn't want to accidentally unearth any buried nightmares.

Do you guys miss the innocence of yesterday? Before growing up meant heartache and permanent scabs? One friend commented I'd changed, "somehow older and wiser" were her words. She was too polite to say cynical and tired. But either way, some days I just wish for "younger and more foolish". I remember that world had more hues of pink in it.

starting small.

2007-06-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

Okay I admit that my level of commitment to the Body Plan is atrocious. But since I have already passed the mag on to Fiona, wishing her best of luck, and my other copy is at Eugene's, I shall ~ta-daaah!~ create my own Plan. More like a Wellness Plan though, since I highly doubt any of the activities involving the gym would ever stick with me. I am quite inspired by O mag as well, I always knew Stef loved it but I've never read a copy of it till two days ago. So let's see. This new experiment of mine shall involve three categories: 1) some form of exercise, 2) some form of control over food and 3) some form of grooming.

And omg, do you know why this is going to be a success? Lest you haven't been enlightened (and I only just spotted it myself), the above 3 categories can be shortened into - you got it, an ACRONYM! Behold the EFG (exercise-food-grooming) Plan to umm.. bring out the confidence in you. Hurhur. I am so lame. But hey, I'll get started. I shall target at least one aspect a day, and hopefully this will last for like the rest of the year. Er, let's just try a month first huh.

So today is Thursday, 21 June 2007. I have completed G- I opened up my neglected tub of Body Shop Brazil Nut body scrub and gave my skin a much needed all-over exfoliation. Skin feels happier and less itchy. I totally failed F because I snacked non-stop in front of the comp this afternooon. Bleah.

Friday and Saturday I will totally be racking up high points for E because it's two full days of work. So brisk walking for hours, check and check. And I've slipped a hydrating facial mask into my luggage so the grooming's settled too. About F, I shall see. Sigh. Will report when I get back.

Hope you girls can try to keep this plan in mind too as you go rushing through your busy lives. This is our youth, our prime! We will never be this beautiful again, so do try to make the most of it :D Anyone with ideas to make this more interesting (such as other grooming things I may neglect) do contribute yar. Oh! Before I end this I must applaude Weiwei for her determination at grooming. Haha. We were in Hongkong partying one night and after we went back to the hotel at like 4am, weaving all over the place laughing at everything, she still had the discipline to do a facial mask! Amazing. Ladidaa!

All I wanted was an iced coffee.

2007-06-21T17:56:00.000+08:00

It must be a sign from the heavens above. Right after I decided to embark on the CLEO 28-day Body Plan, to get my body looking "bikini-licious" (magazine courtesy of Cherilyn before we parted ways in Frankfurt- oh, but that day is another tale in itself), I came back to Singapore only to find that the lock on my cargo bag was utterly wrecked, with the aforementioned magazine snugly tucked within. I almost exploded, and my intestines would have been splashed over the walls with flamboyance had I not realised in time that I was off work. So I was able to let it all go by saying FUCK! and many other bad words, very loudly, repeatedly. Whew. Well, of course it wasn't just because I couldn't get at the mag, it was because I had to go back to the airport with my wrecked luggage to make a report and so on. Very exasperating when all I wanted was to soak under a shower and wash the 14 hours of make-up and hairspray off.

Anyway, this is how Fate interfered with my attempts to get a smouldering bod, because I was unable to follow Day 2's instructions (Day 1 was simple enough: brisk walk for 20 minutes and remember to take your brekkie.) and no, I can't start over. -_-

Okay I have many other things to blather on about but my body says it's time for a nap, so I shall leave you with two thoughts. One, happy dumpling-gobbling! I myself ate 8 dumplings in 2 days. I am immensely proud of my achievement. Two, have you all ever realised bandung is almost exclusively drunk by guys?

woohoo is NOT a rafflesian expression, silly. you are just of a different generation.

2007-06-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

I am so damn excited! Heading to Hongkong for a mega shopping explosion sort of trip. Woohooo! Noel questioned my bizarre way of spending my leave, asking whether I really do not fly enough. I told him gleefully that I am totally looking forward to being a grouch on the plane. No smiling at anyone! If you come near I will spit on you. Pah! Like that. Hurhur.

Okay, some random photos to entertain.

How Zen. I saw it standing alone, looking peaceful in a schoolyard in San Francisco.

My Kate Spades from New York! Trekked to Soho for it. Worth every step of the way. The little box contains a wristlet for my mum.

Bah. Wanted to upload more pix but either Blogger or Streamyx is being a bitch. So that's all, folks.

Not Zen.

2007-05-20T18:07:00.000+08:00

Amazingly stoned right now, from lack of sleep, work and beer. The unholy trinity. Other unholy trinities: bittergourd, ladies' fingers and brinjal. Also pizza, fries (or chicken wings) and beer. Hey beer just appeared in two combinations. How exciting. Man I must KO soon. Just one last can.

Am in Christchurch, which is a beautifully tranquil place, from what I remember of a family trip a couple of years ago. Tomorrow I will go out and see for myself. Anyway the point of this is to put it down in black and white that people should ALWAYS listen and follow simple instructions. Case in point: the fire alarm went off in the hotel this afternoon, while most of us were in our deepest sleep. It was LOUD. And in Japanese, Cantonese, English and whatever else language, telling us we needed to evacuate the building immediately. You can imagine the zombies that eventually slouched down, some in pyjamas, others in boxer shorts, almost all in mismatched outfits. Why? Because some nerd had ignored the strict no-smoking rule enforced in the hotel, despite the check in staff's clear emphasis. When they say it's strict, it's strict. Get it? s-t-r-i-c-t. That means not just the rooms, but THE CORRIDORS TOO. Obviously. Growl. Okay that's the lack of sleep talking. Tomorrow I will wake up bright and chirpy.

Visit Malaysia 2007.

2007-05-17T23:54:00.000+08:00

My dad's car got stolen during the night. It was parked where? In our frigging garage. A few months ago, my brother's car got stolen, but hey he parked that on the kerb outside his condo 'coz he was lazy, so that was still sort of a lack of caution on his part. But this? How are we supposed to feel safe in our houses when people can just climb over our gates and steal our cars? I was surprised that my mother was so blase about the whole business, coz blase is so not her style. I asked her if she was worried that next time it won't just be our car, it'll be our house. She merely shrugged it off, saying "No lar, these people are car thieves." What the ..? I hate how indifferent and resigned we've become in response to the appalling crime rates in this city. The ration of policemen to residents is pathetic and not city-worthy, but anyway I'm constantly reminded that it doesn't matter, it's not like they come to our rescue. I was pretty resigned when I heard about it too, and the conversation thread quickly shifted to what car he would get next. But the more I think about it, the more indignant I feel. Grrrr. How did things degenerate to this state? It's such a vicious cycle. Thieves know police don't care, thieves get more arrogant, number of thieves grow. Fucked up.

And it's not just about the car thieves is it? There are the snatch thieves and the home burglars too. Maybe it'll become a corporation, legalised like the Thieves' Guild in Pratchett's world. Bah.

slurp it up.

2007-05-12T22:52:00.000+08:00

My top two favourite scents for men- Paul Smith (the colourful swirly bottle one I think) and Abercrombie's 'Fierce'. Yum.

All over the place.

2007-05-11T05:47:00.000+08:00

An update from the previous post- I didn't get to buy any books in Bombay, despite me bringing an extra bag, precisely because it was Labour Day. And to think I wished everyone a happy Labour Day! I take it back. "It's Workers' Day ma'am!" said the concierge in a scandalised manner, when I asked him how to get to the mountain of cheap books. Sigh.

Anyway, did I mention that I enjoyed Sydney? FInally got to take a proper long walk around, and went to the Botanic Gardens where I sat on a bench dedicated to the memory of Ms Ellen McGregor (hopefully I got the name right), stared at the Opera House across the bay for a good hour and felt like my soul had drunk some chicken soup when I finally left. Will definitely go back when I get another chance. I'd planned to do some shopping but was glad something different came up :)

Am off to do some major shopping, the stores here in San Francisco are calling out to me. Argh. Did most of my shopping for friends yesterday, so today is me day. ME!

-_-

2007-04-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

Was feeling blah about my impending flight to Bombay, till I met Angela and Len for lunch, during which they both professed their liking for the place. I mean, if Angela, my lily-skinned buddy who made me go back to the hotel (this was in Hongkong) just to get her umbrella 'coz the sun was out, enjoyed Bombay, I think I'll lurve the place. Plus, they mentioned that BOOKS THERE ARE CHEAP. FRIGGING CHEAP. My mind did a double take and made them repeat what they just said, and grilled them for details such as How cheap? and Where exactly? So now you can tell I'm rubbing my hands in glee. Woohoo.

I finally managed to meet Bean and gang yesterday so finally! Kindred spirits who share my excitement about the final Harry Potter book coming out in July. Didn't realise it's been that long since we met, but Wendy had gone and permed her hair, and it'd grown out till the unruly stage already. So yep, it's been months. But of course no matter how long we don't meet, we still laugh hysterically over lame antics. So Weiwei, now you miss us like mad, I'm sure. Hurhur. Okay my battery is running low. Time to recharge. Happy Labour Day to the rest.

Industrial.

2007-04-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

Lurve being back in Singapore on a weekend, 'coz it means - DRINKS! Well, usually it means drinks too, but on weekends more friends can come along. Yeahh.

And I realise I'm never going to come close to my role model's standard of having seven (SEVEN!) boyfriends simultaneously, mostly because it'd be impossible for me to keep track of them. And the repeated conversation! Can you imagine it. Haha. Seven! Respect.

Am doing 'Reading Lolita in Tehran' by Azar Nafisi now, but having never read Nabokov's 'Lolita', I am not sharing the author's intensity of emotions. This is most unfortunate.

Besides that, everything's looking great so far. I've finally settled down and formed a new family of my own. Family of four some more, just like my original one. Muahaha. What else do you call friends who instinctively know when you're back and will do dinner with you every night you're around, even if they've already done it two hours ago with other people, just 'coz you felt like eating dinner at 9pm? People say it's hard to keep friends once you start working, but it's really just about how much you want to keep them. It's really like any other relationship, where you do your maintainence and don't take them for granted. And for those friends who simply don't respond the same way, well, it doesn't matter. As long as you have a few who will buy a house with you, grow old with you, rear cats with you, I think you can consider yourself lucky, 'coz now you're all set. For life.

Jacq wants to be an immortal.

2007-04-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

Jo gave me a monster encyclopedia of '1001 books you must read before you die', so now I'm afraid I've got to live to about 300 years, allowing for other books that pop up in the years that follow. I'm never going to die!

Ah. Excuse the nonsensical rambling. I was in full NERD mode. Now I'm back to my usual glam self, so er... right, Paris!

Yeah, Eiffel Tower on a too-bright day. Better through my shades, no? I did love Paris, no matter how many people told me it is so so, the French are rude, pickpockets are all over the place, blah blah. It IS still undeniably beautiful. When I rode through the streets on an open-top bus with the wind stinging my face and the over-bright sun warming my hair, all I could think was, I'm so damn lucky to be here. I never felt so alive, being surrounded by so much beauty. Champs Elysses, Montmartre, Musee du Louvre.. even the word arrondisement (excuse my dreadful spelling) is enchanting. Will we ever backpack again, Jo? There is still so much that we haven't seen.

For those of you who miss my face, here you go. And that's the Cathedral of Notre Dame behind me, with loads of people and no Hunchback. There are gargoyles by its side though, rows of them sticking out of the walls looking fierce and well, very gargoyle-y. I like.

Wedding bells.

2007-03-26T01:29:00.000+08:00

Back from Meiru's wedding dinner, and I have to say it really makes all the difference when it's your friend. When they made their entrance, all of us girls around (all old school mates) shared the same heart-twinging moment and we all broke into huge smiles simultaneously. That's the power of love, I think. You just can't help being touched. I even called Bean to insist she get married soon, haha!

It made me a little sad though, wondering if I'll ever have this, this happiness to share. It seems such an impossible step. Oh well. Hey. It was a beautiful wedding, I met up with so many old friends, and I am happy for the couple. That's all that matters.

Oh, one thing to clarify in case I get sued or something. The freak's (mentioned in previous post) name is NOT Jason Lim. I brought the name up merely because the pilot shares the same name as my brother, which I thought was amusing, is all.

Random fact: I met a pilot named Jason Lim.

2007-03-07T02:34:00.000+08:00

Hey I realise I didn't mention anything about the recent freaks who have made me throw my hands up in resignation about the quality of humans in my vicinity.

Freak 1- Neighbour.
I know for a fact he has a wife and 4-year-old kid. I occasionally gave them chocs when I came back. Unfortunately mobile numbers were exchanged, and he hankered me. Every single day. What time are you coming back? Are you back yet? I am worried, you didn't reply my previous message. You want dinner? I can buy back for you. Where are you? You want to watch dvds? I've got some. Where are you? I thought you just left for work this morning? (And how would you know, your door wasn't even open when I left for work that morning. How did you know?!) And the perpetual favourite question, WHERE ARE YOU.

Where the fuck am I indeed. I hate that question.

Freak 2- First date with random guy. First and only date.
We do the wine at random grand hotel lounge routine, conversation was alright, then I make my excuses, gotta go meet my girlfriend at Zouk, bye. That's my style right, I pack my schedule. He does the decent thing, I'll drop you off, no worries. Once we get in the car though, he puts his moves on me. Feel this. WHAT? No, feel this. NO! No, listen to me. Trust me. I know I won't choose you as my girlfriend because your lifestyle and timing doesn't suit mine (WHOA! SLOW DOWN THERE, BOY!), but I feel we will be good friends, so let's just get this out of the way. (GET WHAT? THE NON-EXISTENT SEXUAL TENSION?) I don't know how I managed it, but I arrived at Zouk, with no stickiness on my hands. Or in my mouth. Haha. Thank goodness. Was late meeting my girl, but of course she forgave me after hearing my tale.

Okay it suddenly hit me that my very protective brother reads my blog. Er. Don't worry. Your smart sis still has eight lives left.

My passion in life is stories.

2007-03-02T22:09:00.000+08:00

I remember Gwyneth Paltrow once mentioned during an interview that her father was the one who brought her on her first ever trip to Paris because he wanted her to experience Paris for the first time with a man who would always love her.
-I know. Your heart just can't help going all squishy and twinge-y. Words have that much power, don't they.

Bought a Mayday CD, the older one with the 'Sun Wu Kong' song on it. Love that song to bits man. Amazing how someone can come up with lyrics so poignant, and have a melody that totally fits it. So damn beautifully lonely.

Anyway the Gwyneth Paltrow bit came up because, yes you guessed it, I'm going to Paris. So many mixed reviews about it, I've got to see it for myself. Wonder if I can rent a bicycle and go around that way. That's how they do it in the French movies right, everyone cycles. Ha.

Like I used to.

2007-02-27T18:05:00.000+08:00

Went for a tour of the Old Trafford stadium, home to Manchester United. Was gonna buy a jersey back for my brother, just for laughs, 'coz he's an old-time diehard supporter of Liverpool you see :) But I decided it was too expensive a laugh, so I just enjoyed lapping up facts kindly contributed by the tour guide, 99% of which I have since forgotten, except for the stadium capacity which is 76,000. Yeah.

Someone told me Manchester was a boring, industrial place, so I was totally unprepared for the rows, and rows, and side streets of shops. Muahahaha. Good surprise. Found a cheap place to shop too, called Primark, where I got flats for 3 pounds. Not too bad eh. And I do so love Marks & Spencer, the food section felt like a second home. Wanted to gobble up everything in sight.

Being back here isn't easy for me, there are too many dark clouds waiting to surround me the moment I step out of the plane. I thought the Dog is supposed to be super lucky this year. Hmm we shall see bah. I don't like to stay home anymore, I can't spend the day reading away in bed like I used to, I can't sleep the world away like I used to.

in the wild.

2007-02-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

It's gonna be the Year of the Pig in a few hours' time! To commemorate the occasion in an appropriate manner, I shall nap the afternoon away. Someone once told me pigs are lucky creatures because their orgasms last for 30 minutes ~gasp~ Yar I know! 30 minutes!! So in future, when someone calls you a pig, you know you are one lucky bastard.

My New Year resolution is to take the pig as my inspiration for how I should live my life- eat, drink and be merry. I remind myself everyday that this is my prime! If I don't make full use of whatever youth I have now, I know I will regret when the varicose veins start popping out and body parts succumb to gravity. Yan asked me why I chose this job. Lots of people ask the same question, adding on that it's a waste not to utilise my degree. I don't bother answering these people who don't really want to know the answer anyway, but to Yan, I told her it was simple. I ask myself what I want out of life, and it's happiness, or the pursuit of it. Here comes a job that pays you to do just that- be nice, be happy. Treat people well. You don't have to sell anyone anything, you don't have to stress anyone over deadlines, you just have to do your best to smile and keep everyone safe. If they don't respond the same way, or they snap at you, well, it's just too bad. Life goes on.

Ok I realise I keep blathering on about work. Gahh. Alright, in other news, I am looking forward to eating bak kwa! And meeting up with family and friends for CNY dinner. Yeahh. Gong xi fa cai!

One love.

2007-02-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

Finally managed to meet up with a few batch mates, it was really such a heartwarming feeling sharing the laughs and mishaps. Didn't realise I missed them that much.

Was talking to Yan today and we agreed that as you get older, you lose your illusions about love. Heard a piece of news that directly affects me, and I thought I'd be shocked, because it goes against what I believe in, but I took it in my stride instead. Was surprised at my own blase reaction. Very cynical or just practical? I don't know. Anyway, something more trivial but interesting- I've only had 6 hours' sleep in the last 48 hours, and this madness is going to continue, because now it's way past bedtime. I'm supposed to wake up in 3 hours' time. Woohoo. Wonder how floaty I'll be tomorrow.

I love 'the L word'! Or have I said that already? Intense. Good stuff.

2007-02-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

Been catching up with telly and old friends. I meet up with friends I've not seen for 1.5 years and afterwards I wonder, why did it take so long? But the amazing thing is that the warmth is still there. It almost always is :)

After catching up with telly, I learned that Phua Chu Kang's grand finale is this Sunday at 8pm. Must watch! Yay I will be around. I think I will cry when they reminisce and say their goodbyes. The second thing I learned was that Taiwanese actress Xu Weilun passed away about a week ago from a car accident. Shocking. That girl is one kind of cute you know. The not act cute kind. Makes me wonder when and how I will pass away. Will it be tomorrow? Or will I live to have grandchildren sitting on my lap? Both are such unthinkable paths.

Was telling Cherilyn that work seems to be the only thing that's keeping me sane these days. Well, work and friends. But the surprising thing is that I am finding work to be a reassuring anchor, when all else in my world seems topsy turvy and all messed up. Today I thought I looked more alive though. I tried smiling at myself in the mirror and I actually liked what I saw. Baby steps. The best part about work is that I have learned to mask everything with a silent smile. I used to feel the need to explain things, now the need has gone away. People are not interested anyway. Tianwei thinks I have a lot of angst in me :D but that's only when my friends want to know the ugly, so I open my memory box and show them, since it can be quite entertaining. Other times it's just an invisible box in a dusty corner of my mind which I never dwell on. Better things to do in life.

Cut out the cancerous lump of emotions.

2007-02-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

Had a lot to share with you guys, but the deluge seems to be dammed up, suddenly. Hmm. So I shall just spill whatever comes to my head. One piece of exciting news: the final Harry Potter book is coming out on 21 July! Woohoo! Saw the email from Borders today and clapped my hands in glee.

Only one man is making me laugh these days. Unfortunately, he's six feet under. It's Gerald Durrell, the guy who wrote 'My family and other animals'. Saw the Corfu trilogy selling in Kino and grabbed it, since I'd only ever read the first volume. I like him. He's funny.

And oh, the shopping in San Francisco is amaaazing. I came back one H-A-P-P-Y girl. Alright I'm out.

Stoned.

2007-01-14T02:47:00.000+08:00

Yes I owe pix of shoes and bag, will get round to it :) This one's about men messing us all up. Just checked in with Cherilyn to realise she's been messed up, and I haven't been around. Sorry girl. I'm dropping a list of my free days in your box tomorrow. We'll go drinking and do silly things.

For me, it's the conclusion of a two-year muddle. Yes we are all confused aren't we. I thought we ended months ago. Stop start stop start sputter fail die. That about sums us up. I'm tired of crying, tired of letting your words make me feel bad. Yes you think I'm self-righteous, selfish. So are you. We all are. So stop railing at me. Let two selfish people go their own ways. You ask why I keep in touch with you. You think it's lame that I just want to stay friends. But it's the truth. After two years of being such a huge part of each other's lives, is it really that lame to want to continue that connection, even though the nature of the relationship has changed? You say you don't see me keeping in touch that much with the other ex-es. That's because enough time has passed that the relationships tone down into a comfortable, don't-need-to-call-once-a-week kind of friendship. Give us a year or two, and ours will go the same way too baby. You're hurting now, so you tried to hurt me too. I blacked out, actually. The alcohol and the words shut my brain down. It's better that way, because now I don't remember what you were shouting about, or why you started shouting. Does that piss you off?

I pissed off another guy too. This one's shiny new, but I think it's over before it even started. Ha. Maybe I should go cold turkey. Looking forward to work tomorrow. Love how it takes up all my attention. Hello Manila!

This is all about brands.

2007-01-06T12:52:00.000+08:00

This is my 100th post! So it's fitting that there should be some report of accomplishment of some sort. Ladies and gentlemen... I bought my first Gucci! Haha. Yes it's true. A pair of red suede 6-inch killers. Yum. I love shoes! I can't help it. I'm a girl. But I literally got it for a song, thanks to Sebas. Yayyyy. And they are my pillar of strength now. I was going for this particular flight that I screwed up before, so I was feeling really tense. Then I thought, what the hell, I'll bring my shoes along. And if I screw it up again, I'll change into my civvies, put on my heels, and take the train home. At least I'll be admiring my own shoes so much that I'll forget about the disaster. Hah! Weird huh but I think girls will totally understand. Anyway the flight went pretty well so thank goodness :)

Next major accomplishment is sitting in my room right now- a Tod's bag for my mummy. :D I wanted to give her something so she could show it off during Chinese New Year. Didn't think I could afford it till maybe around Feb, but I walked into the outlet at Paragon 2 days back and realised they were having a sale! Amazing timing. Got the bag for a 30 percent discount, which is hell of a lot when you look at the original price tag. So yes, Tod's is having a sale, and it'll last for about a month. The reason I'm putting this down is because there are no big SALE signs at the shop, it all seems very hush hush. My shopping life partner Fiona was almost going insane trying to decide which one to buy, but she wisely restrained herself from making an impulse purchase. I'm proud of you girl!

There are white lies, black lies, and many different shades of grey lies.

2007-01-04T03:23:00.000+08:00

Happy new year! Can't think of a new year resolution yet. I suppose that's a good thing. Thought I was going to spend my countdown standing by in Tampines, but got called up for Taipei instead. The funny thing is, Weiwei was here in Singapore and we had met for dinner and all, and I was still lamenting the fact that I had to be on standby and so couldn't spend more time with her. Next thing I know, I'm flying out to Taipei on the day that she's flying back as well! So two nights later we met for dinner there. Such a weird but totally welcome experience. Thanks for being such great company babe :) And now Ling's just emailed to say she'll be back in Taipei some time in Feb, would I possibly be around? I am crossing my fingers hard.

Check out the fireworks display bouncing off the Taipei 101 building. This must be my good karma payout for 2006.

Health and happiness to all.

moo.

2006-12-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

Everyone's out having a blast tonight. Wish I were too. Never mind, I'll get stinking drunk tomorrow night instead. I hope.

Feels kinda lonely having to work early tomorrow, what with the rain and the empty flat (roomie out partying) adding on to the overall gloom. Caught 'Confessions of Pain' with the family today, and felt happily encased in all the sadness and, that's right, pain. It radiates loneliness like a sun radiates shine. The emotional overload suited me just fine. If you're in the mood to feel magnificently lousy, go catch it. Come on, it's got Takeshi Kaneshiro in it. That's a winner to me already :)

Merry Christmas world. ~hums along to Frosty the Snowman~